being as I am has forced me to be intensly self critical, and to ever plumb the depths to find out what I want, as opposed to what anyone may... expect of me.
like now, when I realise that, despite ALL my saying s to the contrary, I am currently just ... upset, at one person in particular, one person who wronged me and THEN did... apparently... an about turn, and then hid in the shadows.
Fuck it, the broad went to badmouth me on her friend's behalf, and then later, when I was... unforgivably... curious, she turns up and I see face to face someone who turns out to be the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on, and I am annoyed but she leans towards me, and that niggling detail has stuck on my mind like a piece of meat jammed between my teeth, refusing to give me respite, always demanding my attention.
Why the fuck would she do that? Fuck, she despises me, and we got off on the wrong foot, AND anyway she has always hidden herself from me after that, though I parade up and down daily.
Even when her sister showed up the other day, she turned towards HER workplace, and her mother did the same before everyone sort of put their tails between their legs and refused to come out and play;- as if she is the ... nexus... of all their strategies, as if she is the centerpiece, and it ... irritates the hell out of me!
Fucking woman is giving me sleepless nights, because I am in two minds about a human being who KNOWS what she herself is thinking, and I want to remove the fucking grey areas before I do something because one thing I can not afford to be is... WRONG... since I am continuously being pierced for even the slightest mistakes I make, and humiliated a million ways for every misstep.
I want this to end, and I am forcing the issue as of now.
I will find a way.
Because I hate suspense.
Especially when it is a ... person who, as I said, knows her own mind.
the fools have decided to stay out of my way. Well, too late for that!
should have thought of that long back. Now I am more than just merely curious, I am getting... incensed.They have mouths, they do not speak; they have ears, yet I wonder if they even hear anything I say.They have legs and even... cars, yet they use these to do... drive-bys on me, like I am a caged dog with rabies.NOW I am... upset, and I hate it when insignificant people make me... UPSET, because I have been taking crap without cause from all sorts of directions and now I have decided that will NEVER happen again. NOT to me. From now on EVERYONE kisses MY ass, because I do not get railroaded, or derailed by ANYONE.
Show yourselves, people, or I am coming FOR you all,m and I will leave none of you with any two bones able to be joined together, you insignificant worms!!You insects, you... trash!!
from the Fish-Hoek library
Met this nice looking coloured chick at Fish Hoek Pick and Pay just a few moments ago, who was not feeling well, and seemed on the verge of tears.Was looking for pap and chicken pieces, and they did not have any more pap [fuck WE call it 'sadza' where I come from] as she told me, and well, she looked gorgeous, as I said, so, as I have sticky fingers, hmm, you can guess what will happen, right?
When this darkness thing happens.
The silver lining in THAT is that I will have perpetual night to get acquainted with the chicks at any time, and this would be a considerable stress reliever, since at the moment I am living almost like a normal person, making things and getting paid and being... of all things... responsible. I hate that. I am living as an imposter.
I hate the pretense.
When this darkness thing happens.
The silver lining in THAT is that I will have perpetual night to get acquainted with the chicks at any time, and this would be a considerable stress reliever, since at the moment I am living almost like a normal person, making things and getting paid and being... of all things... responsible. I hate that. I am living as an imposter.
I hate the pretense.
