let us face it, the ONE thing that everyone I have ever been around ends up saying is just how... violent... I am, and all this time i have been going around thinking thay all have something wrong with them, these people, because, after all, I am an 'academic' to the fish, right?
but, then, fish in the sea and a person on terra firma will have no direct contact, right, unless the person uses something to... get to them... draw them out, so to speak, see?
And if they are so... drawn... then they cease to be... fish,. and become the person's next ,meal, see?
SO, basically, God was telling me that I ought to open my eyes and see that the ONE thing that I am, is a person who just LOVES to provoke people, so that i can do what?
KILL THEM, of course!So, I look at the women that have ... come to me... of which I number twenty grown women [I am speaking of the originals, here] and one girl, and the grown women , except for woman number twenty, all have unusual hair, either red, white, or shiny black, and none of them is difficult to focus on, except the two, the last woman and the girl, and while I am a person who has a rather accurate grasp of people's faces, figures and all that, I could not, even if they both were standing there in front of me, say just what they look like. I am, in a sense, blind to them, not unaware blind, because i can look at them and notice their features, but their faces are something I could NOT get to become clear to me. I can remember their smiles, frowns and voices, and the fact that, literally, both just came on their own and bothered me, and had engaging personalities [Oh, I saw the last one the day the mother and daughter pair came to the beach to intercept me in their golf, and she was seated on the same bench as when i passed her by the first time, and I actually, before realising what was happening and moving off, stopped right where she was and looked for someone who had said he wanted me to make something for him, and in all that time I stood there, she, leaning back against the wall, with her bare foot on the seat of the bench, did not look up, but seemed busy texting or something on her phone, and grinning], but I, a person who 'sees' anyone who comes into my path as possible prey, can not put these two people into THAT category. I can not even summone any anger or some such thing against them.
but as for the other nineteen, my initial rage was... replaced by... appreciation of them, when I found out that they actually were rather... interesting. Now, the reason why I went to God over that English girl was that, while she had nice breasts and all that, her face and mouth lefet me wanting to avert my gaze, and so god provided the 'employment' woman who, it turns out, is, though slimmer than anyone I have ever 'accepted' blonde and has a good looking face and her voice with what i suspect is a broad Scottish accent was very sweet to the ears, and one could actually listen to the perosn without having to even look at the face and ... confronting the person, which is like 'stepping down' for a war-monger like me{and for some reason I just found out that I can not bear to look at certain people's faces but can not avoid looking directly at the faces of these women, maybe because they are... not displeasing to look at, and, well, i am reaching here but i suppose that blonde women do not have people looking directly at them so much, and so resonate with me when I look and like what I see, since, I guess my face shows exactly what I think about someone}. I can not pretend, and if a person's appearance is repulsive to me, it surely MUST show, so, I am thinking that these women liked what they saw in my face, and yet they also read the... rage?
Because, see, yesterday I went to the cafe late, and decided that I liked that blonde girl anyway,[and if she really HAS been reading my posts, then she surely must know how ... strenuous... her posistion is at the moment, because I would definitely want to know just how her... standing with her 'significant other' is;- she may as well thrust a knife inot her own throst as wait for me to try to get to the bottom of that issue and I hate it if a person coms into my life and preens herself like allison did, and then has some other man to stroke her, meaning I am supposed to 'see, but not touch', which means some woman actualy looks down on me, like there is somebody ... beter... than me? Hell, my ego would take that lyding down, I can see that happening anyday, yes sir!] and wanted to put her out of her misery and leave her a way out, if she was looking for any such, right, but then, afterwards, I qwent back to the mountain and decided that this was all crap about that mother and daughter, because of the hair thing, see?
The women I WOULD draw to myself would have to have unusual hair, and faces that i could stand, and while the three I settled on actually fit the bill, and i like it like that, hell, I CAN NOT get past nicky?
The fact that she drove past and I had a good look at her, and I found out that -once i worked out that God is ONLY imterested in me, and no one else, and that what I suppsed He thought about people and women is actually NOT the real truth, since He would not be supplying me with these if he was so dead set against their influence- the visions I had had of her and her appearance were so coherent I ... wanted her for myself, but for some reason can not think of any reason why she should want to come anywhere near me, and well, I am getting to the end of my patience, see?
Anyway, yesterday, I saw sam and charles seating at charles'a stall late in the day, and all the almost forgotten/stored-away anger came spilling out, and i said, fuck this, i AM going to kill these bastards, all of them who have crossed me, yes?
Unless they backed down, and then, only then, I would have them die, and then, since when I start something I can not stop, there will be a chance for THEM that, after they REALLY look up to me i would let them return to piles of dust and not have to endure pain anymore, but those i am going to personally kill NOW, like butt-head and faggot face, and moto mia and, oh yess, indubitably, michelle, and later, obama, these will have unending pain, for ever.
As for nicky herself, I could NOT stand to have her... sister... with her when/if she came to me, but i would want to avert my anger from her, since she does look good enough to eat, if everyday i had to humble her at the same time, with her daughter, whom i suspect is a virgin, and so, if SHE is also a looker would be acceptable to me.
That leaves one person, and I am not sure yet just who that may be.
I have decided to go provoke some people some more, and also avoid the kalk-bay blond chick, so I am off to S/Town, NOW!
And my time with obama is running out. cant stand to have him come and stub MY toes, can I? Or maybe I should, and kill him here? Then take the plane , Air Force One, to the US? mmmm!
