I have stopped feeling pity for people that have minds of their own, that can read and understand simple words, and yet, instead of rejecting everything about me, (since if even ONE thing is NOT true about me, then everything is also wrong and ALL should be discarded), choose to pick and choose what they want, and to 'correct' me on what they do not like, so that I fit in with their view of what I 'really' am.
Well, if what they think is the real me turns out to be just that, then before any single person can even look at me and say 'now you must do as we say' I would be dead, because living a life where I am the EQUAL of any silly woman, and expected to discuss things with someone basically created for the 'pleasure' of a man; that would be pure hell.
I have never done it,m nor will I ever do it. I am so firmly convinced that aside from the bed... occasionally... and from the visual appeal, there is nothing really a woman is good fore, that she is a whole load of trouble, especially when she opens her mouth and starts to speak, voicing her own opinions on something, as if she has a right to even comment on the fact that even the women I am going to leave alive with me will only be there because I ... prefer them... to the unappealing bits and pieces that I am personally going to leave strewn in my wake.
I AM going to kill people, young, old, male, female, black, coloured and white,and everyday my list of people that have left me feeling put upon, grows, because, as I said, the yearning to inflict harm in retaliation for what i have gone through when these people were in their comfort zones and i was struggling with getting to grips with God's 'limits', as far as what He would allow me to ... do...; well, that is unfurling like a sail in a growing wind.
And it does not matter just how civil the person appeared to be to me, because it was the thought behind the deed that matters, like, for example, sydney, a guy about nine years my senior, speaks, when he addresses me, in the plural, a sign among us Shona people of respect, and that forces me to respond in the same manner, but when one reviews the 'content' of the speech, then one realises that what is said may as well have been couched among words like 'you dung beetle you', or something like that.
I WILL deal with him, yess, and all pretenders that have shown their hearts and minds to me.
I mean, I spend the days wondering where I am going to be, where to just go so that I can have peace and quiet, and I find no place of my own where I am free, and it would hurt a lot were it not for the fact that now, it looms ever closer, the impossible, the fact that I am NOW going to be capable of ... taking... for myself, the right to plant my roots where I want to, the ability to command anything and everything and have it just as I wish, and , of course, the right to kill, to rend and to destroy anything that stands in my path, and completely wipe it all out and have no one withstand me.
This, then, is what God 'scared' me with, in the vision which ended up with 'he was not, for God took him', since I am becoming something that NO ONE can define, something that not even the most impregnable fortress will be able to repel, or keep out:- The One and ONLY Conqueror of the World, and the Be all and End all, as far as what goes on under the sun is concerned, yesss!
And the first time you will all see it is when obama steps into my territory, bringing, of course, the 'symbol' of the ... supremacy... of the Greatest Nation on earth... the presidential plane.
Which I will take for myself, and use to piss on everyone.
Fuck, hope the idiot mandela does not get himself dead and delay or cancel the visit. I have waited a loong time to be free. And I have no wish to drive all the way to Jo'burg to kill the assholes. Let the fly come to the spide's web.
At least, when we meet, all will be shorn of any pretense, and neither he nor those with him will be able to make as if they do not know what I am on about.
before i send them to hell, yesss!
Gumboy?
