... before we get cross!

 The fact that God never ever bothers to... account for how He includes Himself in my life is the subject of many 'wonderings' as far as I am concerned

... Because I can not get past the, "OK God what the fuck are You doing around me, stage"
Apparently, He has made up His mind, and this is the same One that destroyed the earth once for 'man's sake' [yeah right, it had NOTHING to do with His own inclinations on the matter, right?] and never asked the man for his opinion, and He gave me the one thing I do not want, in fact, the opposite of what I would have prefered, which is, immortality, when I would rather be dead, see, and so, as far as I am concerned, He and I are 'uneasy' bedfellows, and assuming that there is concord between Him and I; that I act under Him, is, for anyone, great... folly.
like butthead's mom did repeatedly even till I blasted God, as He Himself had predicted, on Sunday 21 October last year, and she thought that was a joke, that somehow God was in control of the maverick.
I have concluded that the only way that God could be said to be in control is if one gets the broad picture that everyting that happens happens under Him, and not that He is somehow putting brakes on the ONE person whose outlook in life, if not ultimate goal, He approves. Fact that He interacts so directly with me is something personal, and something that no one else can share with, and, of course, while I HATE conceding THIS point, I suppose we are... united in one thing, a vehement dislike of women in control, of anything. EVER.
Yesterday, I...
Fuck, I was on the war path already to begin with, and wanted to let it all out, to blast everyone and blow holes in society, but then, soon as I got to kalk bay, I saw the chick with the glasses, and she was at the bakery -I had just dumped vinnie's stuff outside the seafood restaurant, decided I was NOT going to mind his stall while he had his outing, and, secure in the 'knowledge' that his younger brother abisha was on the way, went for three hours or more to wynberg, and came back only to find that women's day holiday apparently applied to abisha as well- and for a while, being so ebullient, I did not place her, but I only recognised her the moment I saw her dog as she was talking to this ... vendor, mwale. Then she walked to her home, and I found myself re-assesing my initial take on her the first time I had seen her and I had been on higher ground and been too wrapped up in other things to really 'see'; and I found that she was extremely attractive, indeed. the kind of person that one does not have to dig deep under the surface to appreciate. So, of course, just wondering WHY she was there, and what she was doing, made me go into some kind of 'suspended animation' but then, with me, going 'on hold', is not the same as changing my mind. It means I am looking, like a chameleon, both at God to see what the fuck He is up to, and then at the people to find out what is on their mind, and then, finally, I am likely to explode if there is no resolution to my crisis while I am still ... inclined... to be accommodating
As the song goes

them better move fast
before we get cross
bad man nuh care
tough for them just because...

Now, I have made up my mind that the ONLY way to grow is to confront the situations that have belittled me, and the first thing on the agenda, of course, is to face my mother and father, and so, as soon as people are... dying, I am going to make my way down to my 'home' and have a face-off with the two responsible for my being alive, and, if push comes to shoev and they STILL despise me, I will end their lives myself, but if they do not show me up as an insect, as they have always done, then they will just hear me pronounce my sentence on them, and they will go to hell, knowing that I, the son they BOTH said had no right to anything in life except to make sure they had THEIR pleasure, had decided that they are beneath my feet and should so remain -way UNDER me- for all eternity.

Everyone else of my 'family' is irrelevant, as far as i am concerned.
fuck, there are aeroplanes, and helicopters, and the question as far as I am concerned is:- how difficult can it be to fly one? Well I will find out, since I want this done a.s.a.p. . Then I will come, hunt down my cousin, and him I will kill with my own hands, and then work my wayb through all my foes, both male and female, till I am satisfied that NO ONE who trod on my toes remains alive, at least THIS side of the equator.
then I will work my way northwards.
but for now, while I am still... musing, my question is on these women that ... attracted... my attention, and which I can not put into any category, one that I MYSELF can define. Fuck what God says, these women are capable of their own thoughts and conclusions, and I am asking THEM what their fucking motives are, because I am about to start the engine, turn on the ignition, and I am so fucking tired of bitches thinking God is fighting their battles for them and thinking He restrains me that I am just likely to kill them along with the ones that I have put on my death list just for that presumption.. so, them really either better move fast, or I am going to stop hanging in midair and come down to earth, and the moment I do touch down, then hell itself will have nothing on me.


That I PROMISE!!!!

  ..