So, this afternoon, I almost get my wish to have a short-sighted fight, but then a 'Mach 1' cop gets involved after I had needled this guy I have had my eye on...for his... ill health, and so, the idiot breaks off, leaving me seething!
Because that is the story of my life, I have irritations which I do not have any opportunity to do anything about, and even this idiot that is supposed to be my helper, whom I forbade to speak to me AT ALL the one time and he apparently listened... even HE thinks he knows better than me what I NEED, based on my history and peculiarities, and yet God said that I ought to be MYSELF, which means that whatever that is, it is NOT what anyone THINKS, because I am the
FUCK IT, THE ONLY PERSON WHO SEES AS GOD SEES!!
and that, people, is what makes me identify with God!
Which is why I can not die, because my view is so full of God I can not focus on anyone else, and He said to me,
I have claimed you for Myself
Which means NO ONE can have any say over me! Except God, and he calls me 'Friend'!So, when I saw how I had been frustrated... again, by the interference of this busy-body who thinks he looks out for interests that he can not understand, I went,
?!
, to God, and He said, 'I understand', and I thought that was the most IRONIC statement I had ever heard: The Lord God Almighty, Who has the power to do anything that He so wishes, saying that He is effectively sympathising with me, and that,instead of doing something about it, He was saying, "I see it"
What the Fuck!
Then I realised that He was saying it was time I stepped out to the plate, and DID something about what was bothering me, which is when I thought, right, first and foremost, NO MORE anticipation by the 'helper'... he is hired help, to do completely as I wish or get out of the way, because I am so fed up with having my hands held I ..... grr!
There is a typical thing that made me seethe all-night; I wanted to come on the internet, and say what had impressed me during the day, and I got so obstructed I ended up just going to sleep, and put it off till the following day, and never actually did it, because I had found out that everything I am shown was doctored by the 'helper' so he could feather a 'nest' he thought was the best for me, and THAT pissed me off because what I wanted was NOTHING like he thought!
Take for instance the issue of Nicky, and while I have nothing against the girl, the fact that the 'thing' decided to show her to me without presenting her as she really was has so prejudiced me against her that I would be offended if she came into my arms... first!
because at the moment I am, contrary to what anyone may think, really angrier at Michelle than at Butt-head, because she was the 'prime- mover' behind everything, and I have hated her from the first, and events have shown me right!
Which is why I was pleasantly surprised the other day, two days ago when this blonde chick, pushing a perambulator with a kid in it, passed by the artshop ,smiling, then turned back, ignored the art displayed, and came straight to where me and the other guy were seating, and engaged us in conversation.
Instantly, the 'voice' was telling me, "off-limits", you will kill her, because she has a child with her, and you hate sharing anyone with anyone else, and you will take out your frustration on her.
mmm! I thought, because the girl was indeed good-looking, and so I started thinking, what if, instead of being a fucking ADVISER , be HELPFUL, because I LIKE her, and want her, so GET her for me [which is what he did not want me to share, hence the obstructions]
Yesterday, though, there was this stunning chick who walks down from the steps and she is small, about michelle's size, but with them curves, and such that she is a real headturner, and when I see her I usually go...gulp!
So, I thought it would be fitting to have her with me, but while I commented on her to the rasta, he said, forget it, she has a kid, and I thought, good!, that makes two women who remind me of michelle but are nothing like her.
take the kids away [I love being a tyrant!] and bring the women to me, and stop being my adviser, or leave!
So, with the 18 women and the two, that makes 20 women I have decided to put the 'helper' to the task of getting, and smoothing my path so that, instead of putting limits on me, he puts them on THEM, so that they suffer no harm from me.
Time he earned his keep.
Asshole been keeping me restless everyday of my life!
But, still, the first person I want to walk through my door is Nicky?'s mother, because of her I am certain, and then everyone else can come.
Then we can see about exiting the place!
