ho, carry on
nothing really matters
I just wanna die
wish I had never been born at all...Now, THAT there opened up my whole world, because all the speeches I made about focusing on God were just... trying to make a curtain out of spider's webs.
I do not hate God, but I have found out that I really care nothing for anything that exists, that from the moment i was aware of my... predicament... as far as my mother's ambitions for my... life... or lack thereof, I only wanted to die.
That I am alive is the greatest miracle of this day and age, because it was then God intervened... or rather, since He calls the Voice my twin... we were-- born-- together.
I would do only the least possible things to get by, and the voice would make sure the passage was smoothed out for me, like how easily I got a chance to bury my head in books instead of living in my parents' harsh world, and so survived till another day, or how, later when both my science teacher and my father agreed at parents' day that I would do better taking up literature at A Level, I just decided that, instead of making escapism a way of life, I would venture into the Sciences, and took up Mathematics Physics and Chemistry, managed to solve the hardest mathematical problem of all time, and decided along the way to take over the world because it was the only way to mantain the... roll.
Couldn't care less about people, you see, because I am waiting for the least chance to get off the... bus... which is why I get... carried about by Mr-Big-Ears here, whose sole job is to make sure that if I say I want this, it happens according to my specifications, without making me get out of my way to try to obtain it.
Since I hold God to His word when He said, "My yoke is easy and My burden is light... and my yoke is as academic to the fish {Isaiah 6: 1-13}", when I complained about... a woman.
Notice how He never said, 'your yoke' but rather, when he referred to me He just... lowered the case and showed me that this is what He intended for me, and what I intended for me... to be someone who showed the... fish of the sea... what the truth REALLY is, and thus, gradually 'dry up' the sea as every one of the fish is... caught in my net,and acknowledges that the earth is God's... .
He did the same thing to me when He said He had given me a companion, 'my own soul', not 'your own soul', which, of course means that He does not see any... difference between Him and me; when He looks at me He sees Himself, and so behaves accordingly... simply because I can NOT stand life as it is... which puts Him and me in the same boat.
That said, though, I was thinking about stuff and I realised that I am NOT quite sure I NEED the headache of 39 women with me.
I know of the ten... for whom I blame God, and of whom I am 100% certain that if I call out they will come, maybe a ... bit ... disgruntled to find out that they are having to... share me... although it would actually be...safer... for them that way, and of the rest, because all I have is evidence of my own senses and my own deductions... which I do not trust anyway [hey welcome to my world], I am about 60% sure of the five I mentioned last, NOT at all certain that those i saw in the company of males were NOT in any way romantically attached, and that those who were with kids do not have the kids as theirs, or that theywould give them up to come ... to me.
Unless of course the kids were female, in which case there would be a quirky... irreverence there... when I pluck the fruit of more than one generation. Should be amusing, yes?
Anyway, I had thought of closing up my barriers at...20... and since there are 10 definite, 5 possible, that left me with 5 more to ... get.
Which is where the small redhead from... 'up the steps' comes in.
I had dropped her because of... size.
Now, I am rather... big... down there, and so, I worried that she would not feel any pleasure but only pain, and that... martyrdom... would get to me, so I would rather spare myself the sight of her wincing when I entered and drop her.
Till I remembered the vision of the girl in red, with red gums, and the incidental link with the family of butt-head [the navy docks are in direct line between the family home and the beach], so one can guess who was 'complaining' about being 'mixed' with others, and as for... the 'diseased' chick who looked like vomit, does anyone want me to SAY who that is?
So, I will not follow the four, Nicky? and co.
If they decide they will not have anything to do with me, then hurray! Less of a headache. I will leave with 16 women, and then work out whether or not to have something to do with those three other chicks so as not to, or to, kill Sam when I return: because what I am looking for right now is to become centre-stage, so that I get to be... physically above the law so I can DO as I please, not merely THINK it, which is currently giving me these schizophrenic episodes!
