Didn't fancy walking to and fro, so I joined a grpup of happy Valley churchgoers who were on their way to a 'special service' at Full Gospel church. Because I could not very well ask the ... chauffeur... to drop me of along the way, I went to the church with them, and ended up in a service, with all my hackles up.
Predictably, it was about Christmas, and the pastors went on about Jonah, and obedience, and Abraham, and obedience, and I was wondering what my old foe, the holy spirit was up to, when he would show his hand, and I had not long to wait, because after a while the preacher said that we should all take 30seconds to just honour christ, by bowing down to him.
NOW, I do not kneel to God Himself, and so I should do that to His... .
Yeah, right!
Anyway, the guy had previously stated that because of jonah and the fish spitting him out of its mouth near Nineveh [need to check THAT!] the Parthenions regarded Jews in terms of... fish, and when christ was born, somtehing happened in the constellation Pisces [is this a joke!] and they knew that the ruler of Israel who would rise up had been born. Someone neglected to tell them about the holy spirit, who God said, '... fills heaven and earth', so could, of course, take a meteor or something and angle it so that its light caught the sunlight, and make it move, BECAUSE he is jealous and wanted everyone to heap accolades on his chosen, and thus, by extrapolation, on himself.
Hence the moving star, which cdisappeared for the wise men over Jerusalem, because the holy spirit had assumed that temporal authority of christ, with him running the show, of course, was at hand.
Didn't work out that way, did it, because the one whose dominion was supposed to be everlasting got snatched up and was refused permission to walk freely on the earth, as he had assumed he would.
But the wise men, Daniel's successors, brought gifts of gold, incense and myrrh, because, as the preacher explained, they honoured christ as a king, and god and for his burial... in that order, with the last being because of the statement made in the prophecy in Isaiah, abot how he made his grave with the wicked.
That from God, whos is explicit and precise, because when He said 'made his grave', he meant literally 'hid himself', like, tried to cover himself, with wicked people.
Stupid fool thought he had to die, but why do that when your... dominion... does not end? Sounds to me like a whole lot of hiccups and misfiring right there, like everything is too... contrived!
So, straight out of church, I decided that I would just cleaar a few things. About just who is in charge, and then, I dropped everything in God's lap.
Today, I wake up, and there is no change. I am not amused, of course, and I am wondering just what God is playing at. Of course I know what He waits for, have kinown it for a long time, but i am not fucking giving in: - He gave me no choice about my life, how I live it, but made me... this, and now I am supposed to come before Him and say, "ah well, OK, so the only way to resolve this, the only way to get my skin out of the trap the holy spirit is setting for me, is to take charge personally and HAVE dominion over everything on the earth< so God, give me dominion now"< like i wqant to be some freak who walks on water and does impossible things that make everyone's eyes open: yeah right!
Told Him no way, if that is what He expects from me. He started thhis shit, He ends it His way. He made me believe He had a way to get me out of the mess I am in, and for the past two years, i have sought his face, and stopped seeking death, and all that for ... what?
Fuck all!
Is he going to show His face or not. Because I regard every day as a waste. He told me that my heart was not in it, but what does He expect: me leaping all over the show rejoicing because i will have multitudes of sex with women I literally would have abducted, who wouold be terrified of me because I do not give a hoot about anything and couldn't care less if they lived or died because I do not and have never wabted to live anyway?
Anyway, I told him that, because I know he will act some day or the other, the day He finally surrenders power to me, I am going to cre4ate disaster. I wioll NOT ask Him for power; if he was testing me for worthnessHe is not as great as I took Him for. hwe either gives it all, unconditionally, and I do precisely what I want with it, or he kills me, because there is no compromise. I am fucking FED UP with being where I am, doing what I do, which is nothing, and every day I spend there the bill goes up.
Saod i would have 39 women, well, no limits, now. I will take as many as I want, as often as I want, as long as the ... other people remain.
And I will kill people too. AND move around freely.
Because even the prophecy that Jesus tried to fulfill when he rode a donkey, he failed to do porperly, because it goes
rejoice greatly daughter of Zion, for you king cometh, humble and lowly, seated on a colt, the foal of a donkey
meaning it was not for every Jack and Jill as he ended up with, as people honoured him for ressurecting Lazarus, but it was for.... females.
So, there they are, the 39 women who, as God specified, amde me... grow up.
Now, I am looking to Him, to see what He does, because it appears to me that He is not as interested as he should be in letting me have free rein, and i begin to think that there is nothing but hot air to all His promises, and wish He would just come clean.
Fuck, if i am proved wrong I would kiss the hand that showed me that and prepare a rope, slit my throat and wrists and jump off the top of the highest available cliff/mountain, and make sure I was dead before the rope had stretched taut.
THAT is how much I look forward to the things of God and His ways.
I have no choice in anything, so why should I be sparing with my words? This is the only thing I have that no one can take away, and well, if my circumstances do not change, then evn obama will find a way to silence me, and all because my... Friend... chooses to chew His nails when He could just live up to a promise no one forced Him to make, no one made Him make anyway.
I mean, I am stuck in the middle of His war, and He pays as much attention as though this was a commercial break in a Champions League match.
Fuck it, I never asked for this, and now I am neck deep in it, and He is NOT doing anything about it.
Well, fine; if He is going to judge me like He did Job,l let Him bring it on. and i will put ijn my two cents worth:- why did You not just live me aloine, O You Who Are, Who Was, Who Is to Come?
Did I ask You for You help? Was it not to let me die that I begged You for so long, because I would end up being used as a punching bag by those You honour so much You would sacrifice anything for?
Now, the day is here, and I am fucked if I will be Your sacrificial lamb! Find some other sucker for that!
