But this time I was not interested in rumination; I decided that come wheat may I will not back off, and I ended up wondering what to do with myself, and I went all the way to Fish Hoek, walked back and still had nothing resolved.
During my morning shower, as I wondered when the hay cloud would lift from my eyes, I had a vision of a crocodile, and that brought back memories of other times, like when God told me that , in effect, the reason He is so... interested in me is that, like a crocodile which achieves a sort of lock-jaw when its teeth close on prey; I NEVER let go something I have a... personal interest in.
So, I ended up taking a walk to the art-shop, and found out that the resentment I had been feeling was... gone... like a fool I had been arguing about something that was not in my hands with the rasta, so, I decided that two wrongs would not make a right, and wanted to extend an olive branch, because, first and foremost, I am fiercely... protective ... of Zimbabweans, (which is why, regardless of who says what, the people in Khayelitsha and Harare WILL die in retaliation for the xenophobic attacks)
Spent the day there, doing nothing in particular except think while I doodled with my hands.
Realised that I could not run away from the fact that I had particularly addressed myself to white women because I was angry that the white people had come to Africa, despised my ancestors and taken the choice pieces of land, and relegated ... us.. to poor soils, and that now the inequality STILL exists, and the uncertainty that the women who had encountered me could also be due to an acknowledgement that without at least admitting that there is a history of wrong between white and black the full story will NOT be told, and there will be no peace between me and the... women.
because just as I inherited, by default,[ since, whether one likes it or not, I AM the dominant male, and I am black] the wrongs done on my ... people, so also the current white people have to answer for the past that they are perpetuating, which is why I will take on the greatest powers of the world, and bring them all to their knees and THEN crush them.
I therefore can NOT forgive any WHITE person, added to that wrong of the past, ANY ADDITIONAL slight, which is why, not because I want to set an example but because I would NOT be willing to tolerate That slight... michelle dies. as I said.
Butt-head fully utilised the 'racial angle' in dealing with me, and just mere death is not good enough for him and his sister, because want suffering from them, and oh, yess, the faggot-face, yesterday decideds to drive to the beach and as I watch he parks his car as I sat on the grass lawn, and when he was leaving I decided, fuck this, I will see just how much ball this womanish man has, and as he sees me move to intercept him I hear this roar as he steps on the gas, and i knew what a weakling he is, and yet I walked behind him as he drove past, and then decided to walk up to the place where i know the OSC I am ... interested in... live, and I saw no one, and went away brooding.
So, today, after facing the fact that there WILL be only 39 women to leave with me and there will be none else, I was wondering what to do, when the slim blond solved the issue for me.She came to buy ganja from the rasta, and when I saw her I realised where she...knew me from. She had seen me while I was there, although she had not shown her interest in the stuff then.
So, I dropped her, and the slim girl who was at the Simonstown library, because SHE thought I was looking down on her when I had no interest in her at all, or rather when she thought she was... better... than me.
Also, the rather pathetic last woman whom I had dropped in as a LAST RESORT.
That means there are 36 women I am... sure of.
Three left. Now, it does not need a genius to figure out what THAT means, right?
Oh, and it is THIS Saturday that will.... usher in a new age.
