The origins of my peculiar behaviour
I spent the whole night mulling over my ... behaviour... my feeling of attraction for women, and my aversion for people, my anger and my need to be the best, to be better than anyone and make no mistake and at the same time my NEED for God, and the answer is something God said a long time ago
Every first born among you, who parts the matrix, belongs to Me
Well, let me first of all do the theological bit, and get it out of the way.
God makes the man who asks for a woman, rejects God because he listens to 'the voice' of the woman [the woman did not SPEAK, her actions as she handed the guy the .... fruit... were eloquent enough] and disregards the word of God because it... seemed... that God was not REALLY relevant, and THEN the guy is aware of the fact that he, like the animals, is full of lust... the 'obvious' way, of course, so he covers himself and the woman's offensive parts but finds that when the Voice of God precedes God's daily visit, he is condemned, because he can not hide from the fact that he freely disregarded God's explicit instructions and thus has severed the bond between himself and God.
Now, let me veer off from the norm and tell you what happens to a man to whom a woman like Eve... happens:- He gets angry and needy at the same time,because the woman is... mysterious, and she seems to know things that he does not, because, of course, women do not have the rigid moral codes that men impose on themselves and can get quite cheeky if they want to, and peer under men's robes with equanimity, should they so wish.
Hence the 'need' a man has, because if such a one exposes the man's privates and STILL chooses to... bestow... her favours, conditionally, on the man, the guy is unmanned, and so he becomes subservient to the lass.
there is no such thing as equality between men and women, either the woman is on top or the man is, and in today's world, it is the woman who is in control; the man has to kneel to the woman [who does not have an erection to indicate her interest so she does not have to show whether or not she is interested, but makes every guy work for it, and maybe ends up with the one she does not want], then he has to live with the fact that if he does not compliment her on her ... hair, dress, or figure, then he does not have sex at night,or if he does it is perfunctory and leaves him dissatisfied; which is what RESULTS in a child when a man gets more than half a foot in the door.(Trust me on that for now, I WILL get to it in time, be sure of that)
Which is where all of you came from, not from love, but ... OUT of it, so let no man or woman be proud of being born better than me.
It is a woman's world, and women rule.
Now, God had said that the one who, literally "dis-covers" his mother's legs, belongs to Him.
Now we 'know' that to discover is to expose something hidden, and it does NOT mean telling everyone about what your mother did, no, but rather it means seeing the truth for what it is, yes, and thus, since life literally revolves around women, literally... did I mention it is literal... then the one who REJECTS the situation where women get what they want without having to SHOW anything, and blatantly disregard the fact that everyone has to be... just.... not hidden; well that person also rejects life itself.
Which is the case with me.
When I refused to have my life defined by my mom's stupid parameters, I rejected everything that makes up life, but because I was stuck in the world, imagine just how unhappy every day of my life is. Even when God came to me, it was not joy I felt at the moment, but a deep sorrow, because i knew now that He wanted me committed to something that might mean me struggling for survival in a world where I was as weighed down as a fly just fished out of a barrel of thick oil; wings plastered to my body and every step a drag.And also the fact that since my mother had tried to kill me, failed, and after that had NOT had me openly hate her, she despised me, leading me to see myself as she saw me, and thus go around denying that anything I did could ever be fruitful, seeing the negative everytime and never looking at anything positively, since no matter what happens, I would always be, in her words, "dung... shit", and not a man at all.
This from a woman who... never mind!
Anyway, one can see why I finally had to leave home, and why I ended up near the water, unable to put more distance between myself and the bane of my existence.
then comes this other little fool, who assumes that, because I am black, a foreigner, and so... alone, then I need her... droppings, and she starts her machinations and tries to get me to lick her ass while she is shitting.
I already FELT like shit, but michelle tried to make me INTO shit, and while I was aware of the fact that she is really nothing,it was not just her I was up against, think of the world order, the holy spirit who also treated me like an interesting insect when I saw no reason for HIM to hbe anywhere near me, and so, you can see why I just folded and gave in, and stopped doing anything, but less than the bare neccessities to get by.
Then the women started coming out of the woodwork, like ants when the log is alight, and, for a person who had grown to see every woman as a threat, an attractive one, but a threat anyway, I was spoiled for choices, and while I was busy reeling as the women did their ... things, on the other side I got acquainted with the likes of beautiful N icky?, and her rather imperious manner of making herself known to me rubbed me the wrong way, and I hated her. Not as much as I hate michelle, because at least Nicky? showed herself, but I hate her still.
Because to her I was just a homeless, hopeless case who should be glad she even took the time to look at me, which is the impression I got from her.
And of course, before THAT her little asshole of a brother who, I should confess, made me go, to God, "Admit it God, You have lost the plot here. things are spinning out of control and now I see that if ever I am to get out of this, there is no way I will do so without doing at least GBH to this shithead", because I felt that the 'turning the other cheek' mantra was worn out.
So, anyway, that is part of it, but i had also, along the way, to learn to distinguish between God and christ and the holy spirit and the world order and who is in control, and I found that, when it all boiled down to the ... point; God had come to me, because He had made me, the OVERLORD of this planet, though I felt like shit.
The women came, they made me realise that, and some I have... accepted, some I have exercised my own prerogative to take for myself, like a boss, because I read them in the instant I encountered them and knew that they would accept me, bow to me, and me alone, and so, that is how it is.
Now, all that is left is to bring them to myself.
And also, just to explain this to everyone;- I will get more, because I will ask the same question of everyone that I have been unconsciously asking every women since I took my eyes off my mother and began seeing for myself:-"Do you see me as nothing;- Am I a piece of shit to you?"
And depending on the answer, I get to keep or to cast away a woman.
There is, of course, the fool michelle, who saw me as a piece of shit, a useful piece of shit, but nevertheless A piece of shit, so she better stay away, because here I am just exposing her own mentality, which I do not intend to change, not only because I have grown to hate her, but also because I can never forgive her.
However, I will, as I said, leave the fools till I come back to South Africa after having established my own place, and rested a bit, YESSSSS!
Come are girl are hard to date
we deport dem
If are pretty strange
we report dem
If one of dem ugly in sight
we no court dem
but if one of dem big beauty queen
we support dem
Hey, the girl has to be more than just beautiful, she has to FIRST and foremost give up her world views and come to MY world, where I alone rule. No one else. No appeal to any higher power, because I alone am IT, I decide who lives and dies in this world, so MY rule is as absolute as it gets, YESSS!
