Ten million dollars
It was only a few moments ago that the true implications of the "ten million dollars , to build that thing" got to me, and I realised that the only thing for me to do is TOTALLY cut myself off from michelle, butt-head's mom and Nicky?; all the women who have made me feel.... "worthless".
Because what really mattered is this, when I was complaining to God about my life being stuck in a rut about this time last year, I was actually exposing my own low self esteem since I allowed a... useless... woman to, in her own words, "stop me in my tracks".
And what happened in all that time is that I began to think the woman was more right than me, that her views, which are quite stupid,when you think of it, had more weight when compared to my own.
Here I am, doing the impossible, quite lucidly aware of what is wrong with ... even basic... education, and I let a clinging failure of a woman tell me, when I explain some of what I am about, to be careful, to make sure no one steals my money, as if, being clever enough to SEE the academic side, I am still so stupid that I need her ... input in order to get on with my life.
Anyway, I complained, and God asked me what I really wanted, and in effect it was that I have people who would not look down on me to bolster my low self esteem.
Lets stick to facts here, because this is important.
The women I have selected have all never even looked down on me, and have accorded me respect quite contrary to the patronising treatment I received at the hands of michelle, and her cronies, treatment that left me feeling quite ... displaced.
The women even include these ones:
The mother with her "Marie Contrary" kid books as we sat outside the Fish Hoek library. She followed me inside when the library opned with the... look... of a woman who has been let down, like she felt jilted, not aware of the fact that I was, and am, still feeling the I-use-you-to-polish-my-shoes-with behaviour of both michelle AND my mother, and so was very greatly... pleased that some woman thought so much of me that what I thought of her affected her wellbeing.
The redhead in Glencairn. I KNOW what I said, but hey, it is not everyday that one gets a woman out of the blue, especially with my ... uniform clothing... taking great pains to see if she can retain my curiosity.
The blonde in the red dress who, as I said, greeted me with the words, "library opens at 09:30" when I walked in to the... foyer {yes, that is the word I was hunting for} of Fish Hoek library, and who later started smiling as I surreptitiously (as I thought) stared at her gorgeous legs in slippers, which she crossed and rubbed lightly while busy with two phones at once. Met her the next morning,and she had a girl, maybe her daughter, with her.
The girl with the interesting... legs who works somewhere between Volkers and {Whatever} in Fish Hoek and the laminating place, who seemed to just bump into me when I walked by.
Now, at first I thought some of these ladies were crazy, and should be locked up, but now I realise that somehow the missing ingredient in my make-up; the grrrr that would make me resolute, was lsowly and steadily applied by each and every one of them, so I will not walk away from them.
That is as much of a commitment as I will make, and I will even go as far as to say that I will put the OSC fools on the backburer till I come again and deal with them, fittingly. I do not trust myself this time around. I want them all to live, and see me rise, see me fill every corner of the earth, and THEN I will snap my fingers and summon them to judgemnt, YESSS!
And what happened in all that time is that I began to think the woman was more right than me, that her views, which are quite stupid,when you think of it, had more weight when compared to my own.
Here I am, doing the impossible, quite lucidly aware of what is wrong with ... even basic... education, and I let a clinging failure of a woman tell me, when I explain some of what I am about, to be careful, to make sure no one steals my money, as if, being clever enough to SEE the academic side, I am still so stupid that I need her ... input in order to get on with my life.
Anyway, I complained, and God asked me what I really wanted, and in effect it was that I have people who would not look down on me to bolster my low self esteem.
Lets stick to facts here, because this is important.
The women I have selected have all never even looked down on me, and have accorded me respect quite contrary to the patronising treatment I received at the hands of michelle, and her cronies, treatment that left me feeling quite ... displaced.
The women even include these ones:
The mother with her "Marie Contrary" kid books as we sat outside the Fish Hoek library. She followed me inside when the library opned with the... look... of a woman who has been let down, like she felt jilted, not aware of the fact that I was, and am, still feeling the I-use-you-to-polish-my-shoes-with behaviour of both michelle AND my mother, and so was very greatly... pleased that some woman thought so much of me that what I thought of her affected her wellbeing.
The redhead in Glencairn. I KNOW what I said, but hey, it is not everyday that one gets a woman out of the blue, especially with my ... uniform clothing... taking great pains to see if she can retain my curiosity.
The blonde in the red dress who, as I said, greeted me with the words, "library opens at 09:30" when I walked in to the... foyer {yes, that is the word I was hunting for} of Fish Hoek library, and who later started smiling as I surreptitiously (as I thought) stared at her gorgeous legs in slippers, which she crossed and rubbed lightly while busy with two phones at once. Met her the next morning,and she had a girl, maybe her daughter, with her.
The girl with the interesting... legs who works somewhere between Volkers and {Whatever} in Fish Hoek and the laminating place, who seemed to just bump into me when I walked by.
Now, at first I thought some of these ladies were crazy, and should be locked up, but now I realise that somehow the missing ingredient in my make-up; the grrrr that would make me resolute, was lsowly and steadily applied by each and every one of them, so I will not walk away from them.
That is as much of a commitment as I will make, and I will even go as far as to say that I will put the OSC fools on the backburer till I come again and deal with them, fittingly. I do not trust myself this time around. I want them all to live, and see me rise, see me fill every corner of the earth, and THEN I will snap my fingers and summon them to judgemnt, YESSS!
