It was not that dis-heartening, because I know I only get drunk or knocked out when I am trying to keep a tight rein on myself, and the alcohol and the... whatever... then inhibits my inhibition, and I let loose, and well, find myself again.
Anyway, even after I got to Claremont, my usual ascerbic self, I was still unhappy.
So I got me a girl, not a street-girl, but close, and went with her home and spent the night welcoming the new month in a new way.
She was coloured, and with all the auditory baggage that entails, but I was curious about the last time I had had sex, in May, when I had ended up being technically impotent because for some reason... I was revolted by the girl, or maybe developing a conscience.Or some such bullshit.
So, I wanted to know if I could sleep with someone I despised, or looked down on, and WHY I was so hooked on sex, as being the only thing that could make me look twice at a girl.
Anyway, I performed admirably, and even got the chick to grab me and come ... a lot [It was a short night, and I was not amused that gerald wanted some of his stuff brought down, and so needed help, because I would have slept a long time after.]
Anyway, I am into introspection, and I was hilariously amused to find out that it does not matter to me much WHO the person is as long as she is... docile... because I have been living in my head, and NOW I must live in my body, which means I have to be practical, since I have come to the stage where I have to DO stuff, and so, I have to have women who would sort of live up to my (salacious)expectations but it does not matter much to me who it is,[except that THIS part is the academic part, because I HAVE selected ten women already and have no need for more] as long as it is NOT michelle, who I just saw a few moments ago at Jubilee Square, with her daughter.
Where she is concerned the words of the song:
no girl can sit down on me head
if a girl try that she dead
she have fir make the cloak it red red red red
really resonate. The woman is NOT to my taste, and I am going to kill her, so, hey, let us not argue about it here;- even if I slept with her at night, I would have to kill her during the day, because she would not be up to scratch, argumentative and wanting to make herself heard, and 'prove her side' of things when in effect there is only ONE side, MINE, so there are no sides at all.
I am the boss, and I will not have a disparity between my daytime and my nighttime activities.
Fuck, I am too old for experiments.
Time to BE.
NO BULLSHIT!
