Anyway, I read this book by Terry Pratchett, for me his best actually;- the irreverent Colour of Magic which has a chapter where the people notice, as they reach the edge of the planet, that there is ... less of the horizon than there should be.
It would be helpful if people took THAT kind of thinking literally. It would make my life easier.
Why fight the inevitable?
However, THAT is not what brought me down to the hard earth.No, what took me down to the base was an incredulous realisation that I personally do not have any incentive, any drive, any ambition, at all, except God provide it.
Imagine feeling the truth that when God says something personally, He means it literally and ... personally... to me. I can no more do something on my own than I can fly.
When He said to the prophet that the soul that is puffed up is not upright, but the just shall live by his faith, I had no idea that He meant that I would live not by what I saw but by what He showed me despite the evidence of my own eyes!
Why me?
because I gave up, and am literally on GOD life support, and can not take on any extra weight.
fuck, something was ruined in me from birth, and I am somehow incapacitated when it comes to independent action, and I can not even have any independent decision of my own unless God is the instigator, because no matter how much anyone may want me to do something they want, I am too far gone to be accommodating.
Now, the only thing I am sure of about the women of the OSC is this:- I can NOT have anything to do with michelle, because like a disinterested observer, I saw all her actions, and yet, like a lamb to the slaughter [could not find a better expression] I let things happen, not because I would not have wanted to do something about it, but because, from my point of view, there are only different types of bad, no real improvement.
I am no optimist, and would have ended up giving up even more had God not intervened and said that thing about Independence day, and then gone on about the ten women to build my... dominance.
So, I can safely say that I will never, in my whole life, have anything to do with michelle pereira , and yet, I must be honest, i am not the attacking type of person:- come saturaday, what you will see is the darkness, yes, and then the cold, yes, but fuck, none of these people are worth killing.
I mean, if they were jet li or some such person, or maybe some giant of a man, someone known to never have been defeated in single combat, I would maybe be interested in taking on that person in the person's field of expertise, kill him and move on.
But not these pathetic excuses of human beings. I mean, one is a faggot with a quivering mouth and the other is a two inch racist imp with four eyes, hiding behind his mom's skirt!
Fuck that is... depressing!
No, I will not kill them, no, I will let them be. In fact I will ignore them. Or would like to, except that there is the matter of the only person that I have ever been impressed with, the mother of the imp.
I have just realised that even if nicky? is attacked by her conscience, or is sorry or whatever, I am not that impressed. In my eyes she is an asshole, and I can not think of words to describe just how she gets me really pissed off.
i could have tried by force to take that woman who came to the beach if it had not been for the fact she showed me just how scared she was, and she was, after all, just worrying about her sons, who were the most terrified people I have ever seen, because I wanted at that time to just show that i would have nothing to do with such a despicable person like nicky?
But I could not honestly do to someone else what i wanted to do to that woman, bring her down to the dust and have her left there, eating dirt, as i walk away.
Now, I have an aversion to women like nicky? because they sit behind others and have others do the dirty work for them, while they grumble and do nothing about it.
Fuck, God, I hate her! I can not even stand to think of me in the same room with her.
I would like to leave her behind, and just walk away,... but You are right; I can not forget the pride factor here.
Let me explain that to you people:- A few days ago, I wrote the lines of a song by General Degree which had the ending, "where is your pride...?" because THAT was what God had been badgering me about whole day, and I did not want to accept the fact that it WOULD bother me that I walked away and some glory-seeking asshole would then come and take some women that I may have rejected... like that king who ended up saddled with Esther was unwilling to put away Vashti, his first queen, but had her locked away, because it would have damaged his standing if some asshole did with the discarded woman as he pleased.
NOW, I have developed a kind of proprietary interest in some of these women, michelle excepted. Chiefly because, as I said, nicky?'s mom interfered with things, and I knew that I would like to have this woman around, who COULD have when she had a chance, done something to make me lose serious face and make me further unhappy, but yet chose to be the blanket that put out the fires of my anger, and so, I can NOT kill her son, or her daughter, much as I may want to , because today, I found out that what I was asking to happen was impossible;- not even MY mother would give me up so that some other person would kill me, so, in THAT context I can not blame her for her... devotion... to her kids.
I can not even lay a hand on him, because if I did I would kill him. Nor do I want to even meet him, because he would be so very dead! SLOWLY, excrutiatingly;- piss me off and the claws come out, without remorse or inhibition.
Now, what will happen with him will happen with the closest ones of all those that I have taken for myself:- he will go to the only place for whose welfare I will keep a jealous eye, for my own personal reasons:- Zimbabwe, and I will let him live there, and not molest him even when I get there, provided the mother stops acting guardian angel and lets him go.
If she is not willing, then what happens here will affect her and him, and I will walk away, and leave them to the mercy of the elements.
Speaking of happenings;- the Xhosas die.
The people have killed my fellow people, and they have hated my fellow people, and they look at a foreigner as if they are cobras entrancing their prey, such focused hatred just for being... around!
So they die. If that includes some Zimbabweans in those places as well, well, fuck! I am not out to HELP people, just to... destroy the world as you know it.
The only people who will get to Zimbabwe after the shutdown that is coming will be the people I have allowed to get there, people I have no use for but would like alive for a season, because of other people I WOULD like around, till I can show WHY parenthood is not such a big deal; AND the guys I work with.
Sam stays here, the fucking prig!
So does michelle.
And anyone is welcome to her. I think!
Though I saw her last time and she was not so bad looking.
If only her manners would improve.
Fucking pride, why oh God are YOU putting me through this?
michelle... hrrrr!
i could have tried by force to take that woman who came to the beach if it had not been for the fact she showed me just how scared she was, and she was, after all, just worrying about her sons, who were the most terrified people I have ever seen, because I wanted at that time to just show that i would have nothing to do with such a despicable person like nicky?
But I could not honestly do to someone else what i wanted to do to that woman, bring her down to the dust and have her left there, eating dirt, as i walk away.
Now, I have an aversion to women like nicky? because they sit behind others and have others do the dirty work for them, while they grumble and do nothing about it.
Fuck, God, I hate her! I can not even stand to think of me in the same room with her.
I would like to leave her behind, and just walk away,... but You are right; I can not forget the pride factor here.
Let me explain that to you people:- A few days ago, I wrote the lines of a song by General Degree which had the ending, "where is your pride...?" because THAT was what God had been badgering me about whole day, and I did not want to accept the fact that it WOULD bother me that I walked away and some glory-seeking asshole would then come and take some women that I may have rejected... like that king who ended up saddled with Esther was unwilling to put away Vashti, his first queen, but had her locked away, because it would have damaged his standing if some asshole did with the discarded woman as he pleased.
NOW, I have developed a kind of proprietary interest in some of these women, michelle excepted. Chiefly because, as I said, nicky?'s mom interfered with things, and I knew that I would like to have this woman around, who COULD have when she had a chance, done something to make me lose serious face and make me further unhappy, but yet chose to be the blanket that put out the fires of my anger, and so, I can NOT kill her son, or her daughter, much as I may want to , because today, I found out that what I was asking to happen was impossible;- not even MY mother would give me up so that some other person would kill me, so, in THAT context I can not blame her for her... devotion... to her kids.
I can not even lay a hand on him, because if I did I would kill him. Nor do I want to even meet him, because he would be so very dead! SLOWLY, excrutiatingly;- piss me off and the claws come out, without remorse or inhibition.
Now, what will happen with him will happen with the closest ones of all those that I have taken for myself:- he will go to the only place for whose welfare I will keep a jealous eye, for my own personal reasons:- Zimbabwe, and I will let him live there, and not molest him even when I get there, provided the mother stops acting guardian angel and lets him go.
If she is not willing, then what happens here will affect her and him, and I will walk away, and leave them to the mercy of the elements.
Speaking of happenings;- the Xhosas die.
The people have killed my fellow people, and they have hated my fellow people, and they look at a foreigner as if they are cobras entrancing their prey, such focused hatred just for being... around!
So they die. If that includes some Zimbabweans in those places as well, well, fuck! I am not out to HELP people, just to... destroy the world as you know it.
The only people who will get to Zimbabwe after the shutdown that is coming will be the people I have allowed to get there, people I have no use for but would like alive for a season, because of other people I WOULD like around, till I can show WHY parenthood is not such a big deal; AND the guys I work with.
Sam stays here, the fucking prig!
So does michelle.
And anyone is welcome to her. I think!
Though I saw her last time and she was not so bad looking.
If only her manners would improve.
Fucking pride, why oh God are YOU putting me through this?
michelle... hrrrr!
Maybe she will chose NOT to have anything to do with me.
I wish.
Is THIS the part where it is appropriate to add the line:-
use cheddar as the bait
den you recruit the rat...[0:45]!
den you recruit the rat...[0:45]!
What a waste of time this has been! I mean, I could have left long ago, or not have had anything to do with the women, to begin with, NOW I have to take them along? Fuck, I would trade them all for Allison. SHE has an... interesting ass, YESSS!
WELL, at least NONE of them are even reading the posts anymore! They must be quaking in their boots waiting for death, yes?
I would like to see THAT, or feel it! The only good thing to come out of this IS... the women of the OSC will have to eat their hearts out because they will see others who do effortlessly what they themselves have to learn!
So, the source of my inactivity was JEALOUSY! THAT is the source of the cloud that does not bear water?
Why am I not surprised?
And why am I surprised?
Actually, it all makes sense:- I have a sticky finger, see, so I tend to have a controlling interest in the women, and so, from God's point of view, I went to all this expense to turn the tables on michelle while at the same time retaining her?
Bullshit!I will NEVER be able to stand either michelle or nicky? because I do not compromise. I hate these women, and will NOT listen to them. NO, michelle stays here in South Africa, and nicky? and her daughter go to Zimbabwe, where at least they get to live, somewhat, as ... guests of the government... or mugabe answers to ME!
What the fuck do these people pay taxes for.
Besides, michelle wanted me to look after her daughter, and I would NOT have any of it, hence the independence day thing, but as for nicky? ahhh, she is still a puzzle. I will have to sleep on it.Till late.Which reminds me, yesterday, or rather last night, I was on my way from Wynberg when I bump into this huge prostitute, who asks me to do business. I told her I had no money, and she said she would give me a freebie, one off, and so, my interest piqued, I went after her into this close near the Claremont Clinic, and she brought my dick out, started massaging it, and crooning to it, rubbing it with penis cream while we both regarded it with detachment, me knowing I would NOT come while she was busy watching the road to see of any unwelcome guests may intrude on the play.
She got bored, and we parted, with her parting remark being that I should walk around with money.
Glad I do not.
Anyway, point is, the girl, like michelle, had an ulterior motive;- to make use of possible financial remuneration that seemed to be coming my way so she could have the life she wants.
So, it gives me great pleasure to deny her that.
YESSS!
I will NOT be used to give someone what she wants.
Not if that thing is what is foremost in the person's mind!
NO, anyone can have her.
if she tries to come after me, I get to kill her with my bare hands, yesss!
NOW THAT is quite to my taste, yess!
Although the idea of having to have a barricade of bodies on the road into Simonstown would have a lot of appeal.So, I am quite prepared for the blood-bath, if any, as well as the walk away, if possible.
WELL, at least NONE of them are even reading the posts anymore! They must be quaking in their boots waiting for death, yes?
I would like to see THAT, or feel it! The only good thing to come out of this IS... the women of the OSC will have to eat their hearts out because they will see others who do effortlessly what they themselves have to learn!
Why am I not surprised?
And why am I surprised?
Actually, it all makes sense:- I have a sticky finger, see, so I tend to have a controlling interest in the women, and so, from God's point of view, I went to all this expense to turn the tables on michelle while at the same time retaining her?
Bullshit!I will NEVER be able to stand either michelle or nicky? because I do not compromise. I hate these women, and will NOT listen to them. NO, michelle stays here in South Africa, and nicky? and her daughter go to Zimbabwe, where at least they get to live, somewhat, as ... guests of the government... or mugabe answers to ME!
What the fuck do these people pay taxes for.
Besides, michelle wanted me to look after her daughter, and I would NOT have any of it, hence the independence day thing, but as for nicky? ahhh, she is still a puzzle. I will have to sleep on it.Till late.Which reminds me, yesterday, or rather last night, I was on my way from Wynberg when I bump into this huge prostitute, who asks me to do business. I told her I had no money, and she said she would give me a freebie, one off, and so, my interest piqued, I went after her into this close near the Claremont Clinic, and she brought my dick out, started massaging it, and crooning to it, rubbing it with penis cream while we both regarded it with detachment, me knowing I would NOT come while she was busy watching the road to see of any unwelcome guests may intrude on the play.
Glad I do not.
Anyway, point is, the girl, like michelle, had an ulterior motive;- to make use of possible financial remuneration that seemed to be coming my way so she could have the life she wants.
So, it gives me great pleasure to deny her that.
YESSS!
I will NOT be used to give someone what she wants.
Not if that thing is what is foremost in the person's mind!
NO, anyone can have her.
if she tries to come after me, I get to kill her with my bare hands, yesss!
NOW THAT is quite to my taste, yess!
Although the idea of having to have a barricade of bodies on the road into Simonstown would have a lot of appeal.So, I am quite prepared for the blood-bath, if any, as well as the walk away, if possible.
READY FI WHATEVER!
Speaking of nicky?'s mom, I have to say this: I need to KNOW if she wants ME or is only interested in her children's welfare, because she gets to choose, if she will pay any attention:- her kids or me.
The two are mutually exclusive.
I will have NONE of her kids, male or female, if she decides to come herself.
Not nicky?, not the one with the cute ass, not her granddaughter, none of them. HER alone, maybe, but none else, because it matters none to me what the kids think of me, what matters to me is what SHE thinks of me, because she has aroused my interest, her alone, and for her sake I would let her offspring have a chance of living till the horizon becomes... nothing, and people fall off the edge, but if that does not suit her, she can say so, or nothing, and I will respect that.
NOW that is the bait!
So, the five women I would like with me to seal the deal are:
butthead's mom
Allison
this one, Candice, to rub it in with Sam
The last two are overseas, and we have not met, so I will keep it under wraps for now.
Now, since I have the time, I will explain something:
Speaking of nicky?'s mom, I have to say this: I need to KNOW if she wants ME or is only interested in her children's welfare, because she gets to choose, if she will pay any attention:- her kids or me.
The two are mutually exclusive.
I will have NONE of her kids, male or female, if she decides to come herself.
Not nicky?, not the one with the cute ass, not her granddaughter, none of them. HER alone, maybe, but none else, because it matters none to me what the kids think of me, what matters to me is what SHE thinks of me, because she has aroused my interest, her alone, and for her sake I would let her offspring have a chance of living till the horizon becomes... nothing, and people fall off the edge, but if that does not suit her, she can say so, or nothing, and I will respect that.
NOW that is the bait!
So, the five women I would like with me to seal the deal are:
butthead's mom
Allison
this one, Candice, to rub it in with Sam
The last two are overseas, and we have not met, so I will keep it under wraps for now.
Now, since I have the time, I will explain something:
There are to be ten women for whom the darkness is rolled back, so these ones do NOT see me at the BAD time, first, right, and these are the women that I selected as my ten, right, but then for the remaining five of the fifteen, because there were meant to be fifteen 'seconds' who were to be mine [long story], THESE would see me as I am, with all the gory, terrifying aspects, see?
And these I take as I please, for my own vengeful reasons, or as one may see it, megalomaniac reasons.
Especially the last two.
I do not think one has to even guess who they are; two of the most glamourous women in the world at the moment, one voted the most influential, but the other is not much more than a symbol for a stubborn and silly people, who will have to bend their necks or have them broken, by me!
Take it personally or any way you want! YES!
OH< YESSSSS!
Fuck, I have nothing more to say. Let there be evidence of my... prowess, with the weather changing drastically!
AS the sun shifts dramatically towards my... home.
And these I take as I please, for my own vengeful reasons, or as one may see it, megalomaniac reasons.
Especially the last two.
I do not think one has to even guess who they are; two of the most glamourous women in the world at the moment, one voted the most influential, but the other is not much more than a symbol for a stubborn and silly people, who will have to bend their necks or have them broken, by me!
Take it personally or any way you want! YES!
OH< YESSSSS!
Fuck, I have nothing more to say. Let there be evidence of my... prowess, with the weather changing drastically!
AS the sun shifts dramatically towards my... home.
