Money changes things, like the girls we wanna
First, God has me tell Him that I need ten million dollars to build 'that thing', and all the time I ... assumed that the first ten were the 'money', but in effect, God was ... opening... my eyes to what I really was/am, and in fact, if one reads back to the beginning of my story on the... Voice... it was AFTER the january 9 vision last year that I began to grasp that there was more to me than just ME, the physical person.
And that I had a ... unique mindset, with no regard to family ties or any such rubbish, regarding every person like a person, repsonsible for their own actions and judging each as to how they behaved with me.
Before I realised this, truly, which was two days ago, I would have said to some people that I loved them, because I was worried that I would never have anyone accept me, first, as I currently am, and so I assumed that I would have to take the meal with the grit, and sacrifice truth for expedience, and end up with people who despised me simply because I need someone in my corner to be shield from everyone else when I do move, since I never could stop myself from responding to the criticism of people, either overt or covert, and thuis getting tied up in all sorts of knots, rendering me unable to go forward till I have sorted out the whole thing.
THAT is the SOURCE of the cloud that does NOT bear water:- my inability to walk away from anything until someone else defends me, and makes the ones responsible for the stasis eat their own dust.
It took twenty women, and one girl, for me to start to really get the whole thing untangled, but it took a little, lovesick, normally unattainable woman to make me realise where my heart lay.
But, I will point out something first, about the twenty women.
On woman number 18, allison's replacement, I started falling in love, because till then, I had assumed that NO ONE could be more well endowed than that fickle woman who , when she reads my posts, MUST also act in a manner that got my attention fied on some other woman, just so that she could keep me tied to her little finger. The woman with her undecided approach towards motherhood, and life, and her shame when I found her at the olympia in the company of her ex, and the fact that despite that, I was STILL interested because
one or two take no long speech from the guy
And that I had a ... unique mindset, with no regard to family ties or any such rubbish, regarding every person like a person, repsonsible for their own actions and judging each as to how they behaved with me.
Before I realised this, truly, which was two days ago, I would have said to some people that I loved them, because I was worried that I would never have anyone accept me, first, as I currently am, and so I assumed that I would have to take the meal with the grit, and sacrifice truth for expedience, and end up with people who despised me simply because I need someone in my corner to be shield from everyone else when I do move, since I never could stop myself from responding to the criticism of people, either overt or covert, and thuis getting tied up in all sorts of knots, rendering me unable to go forward till I have sorted out the whole thing.
THAT is the SOURCE of the cloud that does NOT bear water:- my inability to walk away from anything until someone else defends me, and makes the ones responsible for the stasis eat their own dust.
It took twenty women, and one girl, for me to start to really get the whole thing untangled, but it took a little, lovesick, normally unattainable woman to make me realise where my heart lay.
But, I will point out something first, about the twenty women.
On woman number 18, allison's replacement, I started falling in love, because till then, I had assumed that NO ONE could be more well endowed than that fickle woman who , when she reads my posts, MUST also act in a manner that got my attention fied on some other woman, just so that she could keep me tied to her little finger. The woman with her undecided approach towards motherhood, and life, and her shame when I found her at the olympia in the company of her ex, and the fact that despite that, I was STILL interested because
one or two take no long speech from the guy
[mad cobra;- press trigger]
meaning she heard me first time, and read me [not here], and did NOT need to be told again about what I liked and disliked, and so, her very demeanour showed that I would have my heart... safe ... with her around;- well, she is theone that made me start seeing red where allison is concerned, and this is MY promise to the stupid fool;- as I promised to do to you , so I will, and you will die a very horrible death soon, french hussy!
Then there was the French artist, the one I met same day with the sexy blonde, and who went and waited for me to walk by, and showed me that she spoke french, and would be suitable to turn my anger fully on the inkfish fool, who came into my path and still thought I could be told terms and conditions;- well, as I said to her; I am going to boil the guy she was with,and feed her to him, because currntly BOTH are ware of what was happeing, and both will pay, for daring to cross my path, and asssuming I was some.. fool
meaning she heard me first time, and read me [not here], and did NOT need to be told again about what I liked and disliked, and so, her very demeanour showed that I would have my heart... safe ... with her around;- well, she is theone that made me start seeing red where allison is concerned, and this is MY promise to the stupid fool;- as I promised to do to you , so I will, and you will die a very horrible death soon, french hussy!
Then there was the French artist, the one I met same day with the sexy blonde, and who went and waited for me to walk by, and showed me that she spoke french, and would be suitable to turn my anger fully on the inkfish fool, who came into my path and still thought I could be told terms and conditions;- well, as I said to her; I am going to boil the guy she was with,and feed her to him, because currntly BOTH are ware of what was happeing, and both will pay, for daring to cross my path, and asssuming I was some.. fool
When it comes to butt-head's mom, the pretender who seemed interested in me but was set to do all she could so that she could have me drop my ... murderous intent on her son, now SONS,[hey, I am making YOU dead, as well as them, and your torment will NOT end, ever] well, God first threw me a curve ball by quoting the song of some woman to me
you're my little secret
and that is how we'll keep it
and it was only after I had met and liked the last woman of the twenty that I grasped that, even if she stood before me and I was asked to describe her face, I could NOT, because I really, literally can NOT see her, even though she would be very visible, and I copuld appreciate everything else about her, like her ... ass.
But, as I said, it took a woman that showed such absolute despair when I casually tossed her aside that made me grasp that I ... could cheat:- the woman who works at the contemporary art place in kalk Bay.
First, for MY honour to be satisfied, it is imperative that she had no... involvement with her... significant other ... in all the time that she had her attention focused on me, and if that is, then my offer to come out of that relationship, and be ... separate... and I will accept her and make her mine, and heck, I would not mind having her in my arms first, over all the other women, because I KNOW what I saw,and I liked that.
But she is not the ONLY woman that I ... liked, see, although this following one has a ... choice... about it, see, since she is likely to resnt the deaths, at my hands, of her entire family, and I INTEND to do just THAT, slaughter them all, and she herself as well since she is not, technically, on good terms with me, and has once actualy acted against me, publicly, which makes it impossible for me to turn a blind eye on her, and her actions, which is why I stressed that if she does decide to come, it will be with herdaughte, who apparently her own mother wanted to offer, as well, to me, after the german girl showed up. Which means the girl herself is... currently NOT... immune to danger for playing around with me, like a fool. So, they BOTH come and I will derive some measure of relief from my anger at them both by their discomfort at how I... have them, both, as punishment.
then there is the dishy woman with her doughnut thing.
Then, since it is MY story, and I like what I like, and I am offering, bait, as means of life, and well, the choice is one takes the bait, and swallows it, or one dies, because of the guilt thathas been incurred, I am extending a... hand... to the other sister of nicky?, since I am NOT concinced that nicky? herself has a satisfactory... ass, since God has been too careful NOT to show it, which makes me... wonder.
then, lastly, to cap it all, there is the other... sister, if I am not mistaken, and she is welcome too, though slim, because I always ... take... what is offered.
And leave the presumptuos ones in the dust.
I am coming now, again to S/Town, and anyone who feels like it, can challenge THIS, yess,and I will be quite happy to deal with them.
Anyway, I am sure I am NOT yet ready to deal with the kalk bay woman, and I am still working out the other ramifications of my... identity, as an immortal
you're my little secret
and that is how we'll keep it
and it was only after I had met and liked the last woman of the twenty that I grasped that, even if she stood before me and I was asked to describe her face, I could NOT, because I really, literally can NOT see her, even though she would be very visible, and I copuld appreciate everything else about her, like her ... ass.
But, as I said, it took a woman that showed such absolute despair when I casually tossed her aside that made me grasp that I ... could cheat:- the woman who works at the contemporary art place in kalk Bay.
First, for MY honour to be satisfied, it is imperative that she had no... involvement with her... significant other ... in all the time that she had her attention focused on me, and if that is, then my offer to come out of that relationship, and be ... separate... and I will accept her and make her mine, and heck, I would not mind having her in my arms first, over all the other women, because I KNOW what I saw,and I liked that.
But she is not the ONLY woman that I ... liked, see, although this following one has a ... choice... about it, see, since she is likely to resnt the deaths, at my hands, of her entire family, and I INTEND to do just THAT, slaughter them all, and she herself as well since she is not, technically, on good terms with me, and has once actualy acted against me, publicly, which makes it impossible for me to turn a blind eye on her, and her actions, which is why I stressed that if she does decide to come, it will be with herdaughte, who apparently her own mother wanted to offer, as well, to me, after the german girl showed up. Which means the girl herself is... currently NOT... immune to danger for playing around with me, like a fool. So, they BOTH come and I will derive some measure of relief from my anger at them both by their discomfort at how I... have them, both, as punishment.
then there is the dishy woman with her doughnut thing.
Then, since it is MY story, and I like what I like, and I am offering, bait, as means of life, and well, the choice is one takes the bait, and swallows it, or one dies, because of the guilt thathas been incurred, I am extending a... hand... to the other sister of nicky?, since I am NOT concinced that nicky? herself has a satisfactory... ass, since God has been too careful NOT to show it, which makes me... wonder.
then, lastly, to cap it all, there is the other... sister, if I am not mistaken, and she is welcome too, though slim, because I always ... take... what is offered.
And leave the presumptuos ones in the dust.
I am coming now, again to S/Town, and anyone who feels like it, can challenge THIS, yess,and I will be quite happy to deal with them.
Anyway, I am sure I am NOT yet ready to deal with the kalk bay woman, and I am still working out the other ramifications of my... identity, as an immortal
