A light hits the gloom, on the grave...!

Since God DID say that He would put a heart of flesh into us, and not a heart of stone, I am for the first time behaving as a person that is made of... flesh, not all the hardness I have wanted to portray before, and I MUST say that there are certain people that I could NOT bear to be without, and that it is something that I want because I can BEAR these people and no one else, provided that THEY themselves want to be near me.
And these are people like the striking blonde chick, the sexy elderly woman, the little one with her red cheeks, nicky's sister... AND, unfortunately/fortunately, depending on how one looks at it;- nicky? herself, although there IS a big... BUT.. where she is concerned, because she DID do something against me, and I still wonder if it would be possible to look at her and NOT want to strangle her.

I find that she is NOT the type of person that I could just walk away from, and in fact, as with the girl with the red-cheeks [I wonder if anyone is gonna believe THIS], before sh showed up, i just had a sudden... desire to sing a certain song as I walked down towards the Glencairn Traffic lights, and it was this one:

especially the words
first time I met her,
say I had to get her

thats what I wanna do

for the worse or the better

really didnt matter

after all I've been through

but a hundred letters,
 thats much better,
expressed my point of view

it must be love, real, real love,
coz all I think about is you...

And as I descended into the lights, there she is, giving me her soulful stare.

with the ... little one, who had caught me singing the words of damian marley, as I sat on the ground the last time I was with tinashe and his crew at his market, again, just before she showed up, the words of the song by rihanna went through my head, "We found love in a hopeless place", and she walked past with some lady, and I wondered if, you see, God was unravelling to me what I wanted the most, and over-riding my... old... heavy heart?

I find myself being rather ... emotional... nowadays.Maybe I should murder some people to restore cred, mmmm.
Fuck, when am I gonna be outta this shit-place?
I need something to get myself off the ground here, God, or am I going to become Father Christmas, an all-allowing and smiling person who just lets whoever just walk all him and nods fatuously?I need my REVENGE, and an exit strategy... PLEASE.
Then I can strangle a sitting US president with my bare hands, after mowing through his... help/whatever.
GRRRRRRRRRR

who did I chat?
gully side we are action pak
no beat round the bush
no go away and come back

fi right now we are action pak

anytime them think them can dis me
we make [south africa] have fiery red history

the fire furnace them up till them black and left them crispy

so serious now

dont even smile at my own chommies