kana iriyo raramiro yacho
marwadzo mupfungwa nepamweya
handingagaro ridze tsamwa
ndoshuva zororo remoyo
Tenzi ndipeiwo kundiso..
[if that is the way of living
[if that is the way of living
pain in the mind and soul
I can not always click my tongue (in annoyance)
LORD give me a way to overcome]
I find the song rather... appropriate... in these circumstances, especially considering where I have come from.
I remember the first time I decided that God's way of doing things did not sit well with me and got myself involved with this girl I have spoken about so many times before, and ended up beating her up.
The reason being that there had been a show in Gweru, where my parents have their house, which was called a national gala, I think in memory of the late vice president simon muzenda, and every kind of artist was supposed to be around, with their music, and it was sometime in mid 2004; I had been kicked out of my parent's home because of confronting them over the girl, and I was staying with [you have to be Shona to grasp this, because there are so MANNNY relations that a person can have in the country] an... uncle in Redcliff, while attached at ZISCO, the country's only Iron and Steel company, and every weekend I came to Gweru, stayed with friends, and saw the girl.
This weekend she and my aunt's [father's eldest sister] only child, a girl called tsungayi mercy mashora [the mother had her out of wedlock and so decided to give her her own family name] were to go to see their favourite music artists, and so I had to cough up the money, and since I hated the music, I decided that I would not be there, but, after considering that I HAD come to see her, I thought I could swallow the bullshit and just GO, but I went after her, after ribbing from this friend about trusting a girl in such ... circumstances.
I had not even had sex with her as yet.
So, I showed upm later, and there she was, with my cousin nowhere to be found, standing with an ex-boyfriend.
If I had pride, I would have walked away right then, but I was rather... desperate;- I mean, here I was, definitely sick, and who in her right mind would have HAD me anyway, and so, since I had invested so many... lies... in this girl, I accepted the humiliation of the moment, was forced to be polite to the guy, and was roundly told off by the girl for 'checking up' on her. It was not as if, she said, SHE had come looking for a reslationship with me, but I had sought her out, and so, I would know that it would be on HER terms and conditions, et.c..
yet from that time afterwards, all I could see everytime I looked at her was the guy beside her, and I hated her, and THAT was why I started beating her up.
Up till that night, I had had no idea just how much anger I had store up in me, but as I left the stadium early morning, I saw an innocuous fence post, six or more feet high, with the wire fence curled up round it, and I punched it for all it was worth. Once. Split my hand from the nig knuckle to the soft skin between the index finger and the biggest finger, and had the satisfaction of watching as the post, set way down underground in concrete, shivered like a reed in the wind.
Now, Zimbabwean soldiers are among the toughest there are, and they do KNOW, especially those sent in cases where public unrest is likely to ... occur..., how to handle themselves, but as I turned round, and saw one, I had the distinctly surprising and disturbing impression that I had, by my one action, made a guy that was as tough as they come almost pee in his pants. He looked at me and said nothing, and I walked out.
THEN, looking at my bleeding hand, I decided that, instead of having to take out my anger on something that had don me no wrong, I should... address... the real cause of the problem.
When I told her, after we had strted living together, just WHY I was beating her up, she at first apologised for that, for her behaviour that day, but later she was to ask me just what kind of person carries a grudge so long. and takes so much more than the incident was worth in retaliation.
Well, THIS person does.
Which is why I am NOT really amused by all that is hapening NOW, especially since it appears that the.. women that i DID NOT come looking for [OH, and by the way, since I am being honest and all that,I MUST say that if God does NOT say something about a woman so that He somehow reveals her own mind before I even DO anything, then my interest in the person is zero, and well, when I concluded that there were five women there, and I showed them to you, I included nicky?'s sister, but that was ONLY because I assumed that nicky? did not havea good-looking ... ass;- in which cxase I could never accept an ugly woman, so, I drop her and instead bring back the kimono-chick with her prostitute-puffed-up-attitude, so that THE five are the kalk bay chick [harden not your heart], the sexy RAVJ woman[ditto, I guess, since she is ONE person that made me go, fuck, if I had my way I would want THAT one] nicky? [blame God] the little one[ditto] and the kimono chick] seem to think that GODS will somehow Himself intervene on their behalf and sort me out. I say this NOW, and I mean it, that if they do not get their sense sorted out and realise to whom they should answer, then they have bette stay OUT of my wy since ZI am not amused at being taken for a fool, or for people assuming that I will ... beg... or negotiate with them over this or any other issue.
It is only because I am rather partial to God's viewpoint, and that I am finding the women themselves rather attractive, that I even spend so much time letting them KNOW beforehand just waht would piss me off about them if it is NOT addressed to MY liking.
BUT as things stand, I am ready to wash my hads of them, because regardless of what anyone may think, I AM the PUNISHER, and if I am NOT unequivocally obeyed and submitted to, then I get rather... physical.
I do NOT think anyone wants to go there, not with me, so, do NOT tempt me, fools.
I am NOT like YOU. Everyday, every moment of my life, I am a KING, whether humble or not, and I JUDGE,whether you like it or NOT, and I do NOT have to defer to God to be MY-self, because it is imbedded in my soul, in me, this is what I AM
I remember the first time I decided that God's way of doing things did not sit well with me and got myself involved with this girl I have spoken about so many times before, and ended up beating her up.
The reason being that there had been a show in Gweru, where my parents have their house, which was called a national gala, I think in memory of the late vice president simon muzenda, and every kind of artist was supposed to be around, with their music, and it was sometime in mid 2004; I had been kicked out of my parent's home because of confronting them over the girl, and I was staying with [you have to be Shona to grasp this, because there are so MANNNY relations that a person can have in the country] an... uncle in Redcliff, while attached at ZISCO, the country's only Iron and Steel company, and every weekend I came to Gweru, stayed with friends, and saw the girl.
This weekend she and my aunt's [father's eldest sister] only child, a girl called tsungayi mercy mashora [the mother had her out of wedlock and so decided to give her her own family name] were to go to see their favourite music artists, and so I had to cough up the money, and since I hated the music, I decided that I would not be there, but, after considering that I HAD come to see her, I thought I could swallow the bullshit and just GO, but I went after her, after ribbing from this friend about trusting a girl in such ... circumstances.
I had not even had sex with her as yet.
So, I showed upm later, and there she was, with my cousin nowhere to be found, standing with an ex-boyfriend.
If I had pride, I would have walked away right then, but I was rather... desperate;- I mean, here I was, definitely sick, and who in her right mind would have HAD me anyway, and so, since I had invested so many... lies... in this girl, I accepted the humiliation of the moment, was forced to be polite to the guy, and was roundly told off by the girl for 'checking up' on her. It was not as if, she said, SHE had come looking for a reslationship with me, but I had sought her out, and so, I would know that it would be on HER terms and conditions, et.c..
yet from that time afterwards, all I could see everytime I looked at her was the guy beside her, and I hated her, and THAT was why I started beating her up.
Up till that night, I had had no idea just how much anger I had store up in me, but as I left the stadium early morning, I saw an innocuous fence post, six or more feet high, with the wire fence curled up round it, and I punched it for all it was worth. Once. Split my hand from the nig knuckle to the soft skin between the index finger and the biggest finger, and had the satisfaction of watching as the post, set way down underground in concrete, shivered like a reed in the wind.
Now, Zimbabwean soldiers are among the toughest there are, and they do KNOW, especially those sent in cases where public unrest is likely to ... occur..., how to handle themselves, but as I turned round, and saw one, I had the distinctly surprising and disturbing impression that I had, by my one action, made a guy that was as tough as they come almost pee in his pants. He looked at me and said nothing, and I walked out.
THEN, looking at my bleeding hand, I decided that, instead of having to take out my anger on something that had don me no wrong, I should... address... the real cause of the problem.
When I told her, after we had strted living together, just WHY I was beating her up, she at first apologised for that, for her behaviour that day, but later she was to ask me just what kind of person carries a grudge so long. and takes so much more than the incident was worth in retaliation.
Well, THIS person does.
Which is why I am NOT really amused by all that is hapening NOW, especially since it appears that the.. women that i DID NOT come looking for [OH, and by the way, since I am being honest and all that,I MUST say that if God does NOT say something about a woman so that He somehow reveals her own mind before I even DO anything, then my interest in the person is zero, and well, when I concluded that there were five women there, and I showed them to you, I included nicky?'s sister, but that was ONLY because I assumed that nicky? did not havea good-looking ... ass;- in which cxase I could never accept an ugly woman, so, I drop her and instead bring back the kimono-chick with her prostitute-puffed-up-attitude, so that THE five are the kalk bay chick [harden not your heart], the sexy RAVJ woman[ditto, I guess, since she is ONE person that made me go, fuck, if I had my way I would want THAT one] nicky? [blame God] the little one[ditto] and the kimono chick] seem to think that GODS will somehow Himself intervene on their behalf and sort me out. I say this NOW, and I mean it, that if they do not get their sense sorted out and realise to whom they should answer, then they have bette stay OUT of my wy since ZI am not amused at being taken for a fool, or for people assuming that I will ... beg... or negotiate with them over this or any other issue.
It is only because I am rather partial to God's viewpoint, and that I am finding the women themselves rather attractive, that I even spend so much time letting them KNOW beforehand just waht would piss me off about them if it is NOT addressed to MY liking.
BUT as things stand, I am ready to wash my hads of them, because regardless of what anyone may think, I AM the PUNISHER, and if I am NOT unequivocally obeyed and submitted to, then I get rather... physical.
I do NOT think anyone wants to go there, not with me, so, do NOT tempt me, fools.
I am NOT like YOU. Everyday, every moment of my life, I am a KING, whether humble or not, and I JUDGE,whether you like it or NOT, and I do NOT have to defer to God to be MY-self, because it is imbedded in my soul, in me, this is what I AM
