I know just really what you want

Was feeling this ... incompleteness and sense of lack in me and was even thinking of adjusting the future a bit, to go looking for other women even among the people who would 'know' me and all that, and hiding among the surviving black people, as one of just some strollers; basically become something I am NOT, and i was getting rather pissed off at everything, thinking that everything that happened before is therefore just a waste of time, when God, as usual, sent me this line which is taken from a song and goes [which brings me to this question, 'why does He always use music lines on me?' like, is He trying not to cause further offense or something, or is He using a medium that is the only way i can ever get to listen to anyone or anything anyway, since I would tend to ignore everything that anyone said if there was no... rhythym to it? Interesting to ponder there], "I know just really what you want".
So, here I am, trying to ... put... this... which I have discovered... damn the woman... I really... WANT... in words that make it seem like I do not care what happens when in effect i do, just so that the woman wont take advantage and sniff at me as usual and make me even angrier, although she has stunned me by actually being adaptable, and changing...!
of course, the whole shebang is based on the statement:- 'I am giving you fifteen seconds to get out of here' and therefore, provided that the child of the woman who wanted me in church at st-peters IS not a 'second' but still a virgin, there is ... room... for the one person that, on one hand did NOT have a replacement, (meaning she is NOT involved with the guy she is always with?) and on the other hand, I can not get out of my mind, try as i might to be angry with her;- allison.
I surprise myself by admitting that life without her would be a significantly, SIGNIFICANTLY, SIGNIFICANTLY  dull affair, because she is literally the first person to ever chase after me, consistently, without there being a need for it, without her having a child she wanted me to turn my anger from, and I can not forget the first time she showed up, and i was oggling her behind, and watching her fingers for rings, and ...
fuck, NOW I am going to get my face rubbed in it again, by this woman, and she will probably ignore all my appeal, as usual, because to her she would have me where she wants me, panting after her.

I am more certain that I will get fed up and end up killing her one day, because she is impossible, this silly woman.

*****

Anyway, further in my education, I discovered, just now, that Westbrooke was the residence of the apartheid president, but the Great barn, Groote Schuur, built by the colonialist C.J.Rhodes, and bequeathed by him to the south african government at his death, in 1905?, IS the current presidential mansion, and so, I will move in there

just hope it HAS 27 beds!

  Of course, let us not forget that I am a wanderer, and that I will be there in the interim while I kill people locally, and then depart after humbling the US president so that i can get ready to depart the planet and be an eternal wanderer for ever, since i will never be able to develop roots.
um, at the moment, I stay in a mountain cave, and when it rains, i get free showers, haha!
wonder what He means by I have my own place! Point is I do NOT have one, and... I am getting annoyed here!