I finish my post yesterday, aware still that I am NOT happy, and would not be happy since something is STILL missing, and then, I go to kalk bay, taking care to, as usual, pass through/past the deli;- and the Comfortable Runabout Vehicle (CR-V), is NOT there. Again.I do SEE, however, two blonde chicks who are nowhere near as attractive as the contemporary art girl,and they and some two guys, are busy poring over some ... plans?... and then pointing to the top storey of the buiiding, and as i pass the women, and lookinto their faces, I think to myself that they, well, may be blond and all that, but they are about as attractive as ...faded wallpaper.
So, I am climbing up the mountain and then God, the
So, I am climbing up the mountain and then God, the
Supreme Inscrutable, decides to add His own thoughts to ... mine, and gives me the line from a song by some obscure Zimbabwean group, which goes "vanhu vakanaka havararami kunongosara vakaipa"meaning 'the good/beautiful/sweet people do not live long, only the bad/ugly remain' and so, I agreed, at first swallow, that, fuck, i am going to kill the contemporary art chick for looking at me while married, but these, her sisters? would probably last till my departure.
That thought remained with me till i decided to ponder deeper, and it was THEN that I said, fuck this, I will NOT let this happen, because I took a closer look at the people I had supposedly ... accepted, and two of them are so... BAD... that I would never, ever, ever let them remain anywahere near me.
First things first, though, I suppose the MAJOR stumbling block for women is that I SAY that I will not have one or even two women, but plenty, and they, supposedly, assume that I am full of shit, but then, I am a person that is actually... compromising... to HAVE any woman at all, since I have found NONE that I can say is good enough for me, and have decided that, since I have no deep roots with anyone, I would settle for those, here, and now, that have made up their minds about me and decided to cast their lot with me, even if they thought they were each the ONE for me.
if they did turn out to be the only one that was available for me, then i foresee me killing them, eventually, because I would let the silly things they do build up gradually till I could take no more.And act.So, since i do not want THAT, i will have plenty, and when one bores me, and starts irking me, I will move to another, et.c., and thus, somehow satisfy my lust as well as keep the people alive.
BUT I am damned if I will accept nicky? or allison anywhere near me.
the first woman, nicky?, I have explained how she came to be in my sights, and when I, after the very explicit visions I had of her, asked, wearily, to see her, I get to see a woman who shows up with her brother, and then, focusing her eyes on me as if in an imperative manner - for, after all, i was just a burghie who was too big for his breeches- leans forward as if to COMMAND me to stop interfering in her brother's love life, such as it is, and change my focus to someone more attractive, like her, for instance.
Following day, I am thibking about it all, and I SPECIFICALLY call for a woman that is michelle's size and has the hair of her friend, and she comes, as per my specs, and so, my point it, having someone like that, who made no bones about separating herself from her associates before even looking me in the face, how can I then allow such... rubbish, like nicky? anywhere near me, and WHY? when I am going to kill her mother, her brothers, and make her mother eat the child she wanted to ... give me.
That thought remained with me till i decided to ponder deeper, and it was THEN that I said, fuck this, I will NOT let this happen, because I took a closer look at the people I had supposedly ... accepted, and two of them are so... BAD... that I would never, ever, ever let them remain anywahere near me.
First things first, though, I suppose the MAJOR stumbling block for women is that I SAY that I will not have one or even two women, but plenty, and they, supposedly, assume that I am full of shit, but then, I am a person that is actually... compromising... to HAVE any woman at all, since I have found NONE that I can say is good enough for me, and have decided that, since I have no deep roots with anyone, I would settle for those, here, and now, that have made up their minds about me and decided to cast their lot with me, even if they thought they were each the ONE for me.
if they did turn out to be the only one that was available for me, then i foresee me killing them, eventually, because I would let the silly things they do build up gradually till I could take no more.And act.So, since i do not want THAT, i will have plenty, and when one bores me, and starts irking me, I will move to another, et.c., and thus, somehow satisfy my lust as well as keep the people alive.
BUT I am damned if I will accept nicky? or allison anywhere near me.
the first woman, nicky?, I have explained how she came to be in my sights, and when I, after the very explicit visions I had of her, asked, wearily, to see her, I get to see a woman who shows up with her brother, and then, focusing her eyes on me as if in an imperative manner - for, after all, i was just a burghie who was too big for his breeches- leans forward as if to COMMAND me to stop interfering in her brother's love life, such as it is, and change my focus to someone more attractive, like her, for instance.
Following day, I am thibking about it all, and I SPECIFICALLY call for a woman that is michelle's size and has the hair of her friend, and she comes, as per my specs, and so, my point it, having someone like that, who made no bones about separating herself from her associates before even looking me in the face, how can I then allow such... rubbish, like nicky? anywhere near me, and WHY? when I am going to kill her mother, her brothers, and make her mother eat the child she wanted to ... give me.
Fuck, I will not have to see their faces in hers everytime I look at her, and I am SICK of manipulative womenwho remind me all the time of michelle, who wants to organise everything and make people dance to her tune, as allison does. Fuck, she, the time before the last when she showed up, before i had posted anything, maybe so that she could stop me going ahead as planned and make me focus on her, waits till she sees me walk INTO the library, then ushers this guy she is with to the photo place, and then, that out of the way, decides to come to the library, after having already checked the time and knowing when it would open, and then sasking whether she is too early, and all this is so... deceptive that one knows that one will NEVER get the woman to walk the straight and narrow at any time, and people that are NOT obvious are NOT the type of people that i want to have near me. I have enough problems with God constantly surprising me that I do not NEED the bullshit of having some shithead thinking she can one-up me and lie in wait in the path I will take.
I told the contemporary art woman that i needed some kind of confirmation that she was NOT, even while married, involved with the guy she is married to,and apparently, even SHE thinks she is too up-there for me, the ONE who will end all life on earth, but now she runs for her life. And thinks I will walk away and leave tis issue uncleared.
FUCK, I do NOT let go anything. I will deal with every issue, till all is settled.
IF she can satisfy me, because I read her easily, then she gets to live.
And I have my eye on the kimono chick as well.
I told the contemporary art woman that i needed some kind of confirmation that she was NOT, even while married, involved with the guy she is married to,and apparently, even SHE thinks she is too up-there for me, the ONE who will end all life on earth, but now she runs for her life. And thinks I will walk away and leave tis issue uncleared.
FUCK, I do NOT let go anything. I will deal with every issue, till all is settled.
IF she can satisfy me, because I read her easily, then she gets to live.
And I have my eye on the kimono chick as well.
I think it can be taken that the rest i will kill... even THESE as well, since i do not NEED them, and can do without them, having already got the ones that please me.
