Fuck, I am fed up. I have decided to spend 4 hours at the internet cafe' here in Wynberg and then go back after having bought me enough food and just chill for a while in the mountain till I am no longer so sore, because I am not getting better, and it is not helping that I can barely walk and am always pushing others' agendas!
slippin I'm falling, I cant get up
I'm slippin I'm falling, I gots to get up
getting back on my feet so I can catch this shit
i've been through many different phases
like mase has
to find my way
and now I know that happy days are not far away
if I'm strong enough I'll live long enough to see
[this KID]
doing something more constructive with [my] time...
IN fact, I know because I've been there
and now I'm in there
sit back and look at what it took for me to get there
FIRST came the...
the drama with my mama
she got on some fly shit
so I split...
And said I'm gonna be that seed that doesn't need much to succeed
I'm slippin I'm falling, I gots to get up
getting back on my feet so I can catch this shit
i've been through many different phases
like mase has
to find my way
and now I know that happy days are not far away
if I'm strong enough I'll live long enough to see
[this KID]
doing something more constructive with [my] time...
IN fact, I know because I've been there
and now I'm in there
sit back and look at what it took for me to get there
FIRST came the...
the drama with my mama
she got on some fly shit
so I split...
And said I'm gonna be that seed that doesn't need much to succeed
I guessthat 1998 song does indeed say a lot to me about just what the fuck makes me what I am, because if my mother had decided not to try to end my life, I would not have this curious love-hate thing with women, and I would not be always ready to snap at everything and everyone.
she hurt me real bad, and I have none of the luxury that you people have to be able to forget. I may shy away in my mind and stay away from the box that stores the memories, but then, some fools think they see you sitting doing absolutely nothing but talk, and think that is all you are, a talker, when in effect you think that by giving people ample opportunity to make themselves... less prone to be harmed by you when you specifically explain that they should PLEASE avoid you because you are in a very homicidal mood and you tolerate no bullshit whatsoever, they think nuh, you can not really be that guy.You are just sitting there, and what we see is exactly what you are, so where the fuck do you get off saying you are something... special?
REALLY!
I see dead people before me, and that will not be a long time coming, oh no!the killer is being unleashed, and you will see it with your own eyes, fools, fools, miserable idiotic fools!
So, whenever there is a debate about .. life... or even livelihood, then the first cut is exposed, and THEN, people, the ONE person that it is IMPOSSIBLE should be alive comes out.
I can not die, because I wont let me die, because after I had longed to retreat from everything and just become as one that had nothing that he needed, it came to the point where I was pushed too far, and then,a line got crossed, and suddenly, I... was in retaliatory mode.
just like now.
JUST fucking like now.
Like NOW.
Of course I blame God, because, as I said He comments, and I have learned to listen when He comments, because I always end up with egg on my face when I do not. So, this red-head walks past as I sit with sydney, and aafter I ask myself just what the fuck she is THINKING, God supplies the answer:- "when them see you them know everything fine", a quote from a song by hawkeye on the diwali riddim.
NO, it is not good news, because the one time that He did that, before, He was speaking of the osc in S/Town, when I had spoken of being... sore... and then walked to S/Town, and as I ... appeared... He sang that to me, and it was only later that I discovered that He was saying in effect that they were thinking, yeah, so what do you say really is wrong again? Please, tell us something new.
just admit that you want some help and do not know how to get off your high horse and ASK for help, and we will give it to you. We have never seen a fitter looking person.
yeah, well, so be it. You will never see a fitter looking person, because when I do rip your throats out I will be the fittest, baddest and angriest person you have ever seen!
But the one who took the cake is, of course, miss 'miami sands', who, as I finally grasped what God was saying second-time-around, as usual, and felt the bile run down my throat,and was walking away to try to do something more constructive with my time, she drives up, and her hair is down, and she is speaking on the phone,and I went, "Ok, you are definitely DEAD", because I have had enough. So, I exited the scene, and here I am, reveling in my pain, and getting myself psyched up for maximum mayhem.
yeah, right!
I had still no idea that God did ALL He is going to do in my life when He gave me the power ;-His Voice, my companion, of whom He promised, eons before, "YHWH has sworn and will NOT repent
"You are a priest FOREVER
after the order of melchizedek...""
and so, what this is, what I am is something that can NEVER end, because I will be a mighty man[ king] as well as always having a direct link with God... always, always, and nothing and no one can take THAT away from me, The ONE Who could is not at all inclined to do anything about it, because He likes it like that, and so, if you think that there is anything that will STOP me or block me, then KNOW this, fools, and you will KNOW it; TRY YOUR WORST, it will avail you all nothing, because what this is the single indestructive and indomitable force that is now set not only to withstand anything, but to be as a steam roller OVER everything.
I am going IMPERATOR, OVERLORD, and hey, I am shutting my heart to all you fools who heard, and saw, and thought it all just bullshit..YESSSS!
anyway, about the 21October thing, God I guess was telling ME that I would say something that would cause the foolish woman butt-head's mom stop in he tracks for a while, before thinking, yeah, right, because maybe up to then she had thought that I could be, and would be swayed by God, and so, would have Him turn me away from my designs.
till I went overboard, and she maybe saw, for a little while, just how.... crazy... I really am.
i mean completely, totally over the wall insane, and off the hook crazy, with absolutely no limits.
But then, she reasoned that it was all just talk, see, and so she stopped paying attention to what I was writing/typing, and started focusing on my... actions, which culminated in her offering me parts of her family to assuage my .. lust.
mmmm!
Fuck, i am going to make her eat the kids,yeah, yeah, yeah, all of them, and it is easy for that to happen.
she hurt me real bad, and I have none of the luxury that you people have to be able to forget. I may shy away in my mind and stay away from the box that stores the memories, but then, some fools think they see you sitting doing absolutely nothing but talk, and think that is all you are, a talker, when in effect you think that by giving people ample opportunity to make themselves... less prone to be harmed by you when you specifically explain that they should PLEASE avoid you because you are in a very homicidal mood and you tolerate no bullshit whatsoever, they think nuh, you can not really be that guy.You are just sitting there, and what we see is exactly what you are, so where the fuck do you get off saying you are something... special?
REALLY!
And yet these same people run off when you tell them that you are going to kill them, but when you say otherwise, they think, now you are talking, you are now begging us for help.
I do not NEED anyone's help, assholes, not even God's, and if it was not that a world where only God with His over-the-shoulder commenting would be intolerable, I would not even bother about women, but then these fools think they will get me to lick their asses, and ....HHHHHHHHHRRRRRRR!I see dead people before me, and that will not be a long time coming, oh no!the killer is being unleashed, and you will see it with your own eyes, fools, fools, miserable idiotic fools!
******
I sometimes see it all though, in the two bedroom ground floor flat where my life was changed forever, maybe because I did not... die... as quickly as she expected.It is like I am ... borrowing... another person's viewpoint, because it is too painful to see as I am coming up for air and gathering my breath and bawling long, angrily and unrestrainedly.they say that drowning is the most painful death possible, so, in that case, I die every day. I see water cascading down my face as I... refuse... and for the first time,I grasp the one thing that someone thought I had no right to, and THAT thing is the one thing that not even I myself have been able to let myself let go off, and that is life.So, whenever there is a debate about .. life... or even livelihood, then the first cut is exposed, and THEN, people, the ONE person that it is IMPOSSIBLE should be alive comes out.
I can not die, because I wont let me die, because after I had longed to retreat from everything and just become as one that had nothing that he needed, it came to the point where I was pushed too far, and then,a line got crossed, and suddenly, I... was in retaliatory mode.
just like now.
JUST fucking like now.
Like NOW.
Of course I blame God, because, as I said He comments, and I have learned to listen when He comments, because I always end up with egg on my face when I do not. So, this red-head walks past as I sit with sydney, and aafter I ask myself just what the fuck she is THINKING, God supplies the answer:- "when them see you them know everything fine", a quote from a song by hawkeye on the diwali riddim.
NO, it is not good news, because the one time that He did that, before, He was speaking of the osc in S/Town, when I had spoken of being... sore... and then walked to S/Town, and as I ... appeared... He sang that to me, and it was only later that I discovered that He was saying in effect that they were thinking, yeah, so what do you say really is wrong again? Please, tell us something new.
just admit that you want some help and do not know how to get off your high horse and ASK for help, and we will give it to you. We have never seen a fitter looking person.
yeah, well, so be it. You will never see a fitter looking person, because when I do rip your throats out I will be the fittest, baddest and angriest person you have ever seen!
But the one who took the cake is, of course, miss 'miami sands', who, as I finally grasped what God was saying second-time-around, as usual, and felt the bile run down my throat,and was walking away to try to do something more constructive with my time, she drives up, and her hair is down, and she is speaking on the phone,and I went, "Ok, you are definitely DEAD", because I have had enough. So, I exited the scene, and here I am, reveling in my pain, and getting myself psyched up for maximum mayhem.
**************
Well, I suppose that no one ever actually... listens... when one merely growls, but they definitely pay attention when one is DOING something, which is maybe where God and His ... curious... way with me strikes them as being rather .... unlikely.now, anyone who has read my blogs has heard me wondering just what was so special about Sunday 21 October last year, when all I did was say I wanted to first of all get all the power and authority and then, later on, blasted God for misleading me into thinking that something was going to happen, like He was going to do something, and so, with an MPV parked at Pick-n-Pay parking with a blond woman's poster at the driver's window, I assumed that well, I would be by then... transported.. all the way to alaska, and would be parked there by some... act of God.yeah, right!
I had still no idea that God did ALL He is going to do in my life when He gave me the power ;-His Voice, my companion, of whom He promised, eons before, "YHWH has sworn and will NOT repent
"You are a priest FOREVER
after the order of melchizedek...""
and so, what this is, what I am is something that can NEVER end, because I will be a mighty man[ king] as well as always having a direct link with God... always, always, and nothing and no one can take THAT away from me, The ONE Who could is not at all inclined to do anything about it, because He likes it like that, and so, if you think that there is anything that will STOP me or block me, then KNOW this, fools, and you will KNOW it; TRY YOUR WORST, it will avail you all nothing, because what this is the single indestructive and indomitable force that is now set not only to withstand anything, but to be as a steam roller OVER everything.
I am going IMPERATOR, OVERLORD, and hey, I am shutting my heart to all you fools who heard, and saw, and thought it all just bullshit..YESSSS!
anyway, about the 21October thing, God I guess was telling ME that I would say something that would cause the foolish woman butt-head's mom stop in he tracks for a while, before thinking, yeah, right, because maybe up to then she had thought that I could be, and would be swayed by God, and so, would have Him turn me away from my designs.
till I went overboard, and she maybe saw, for a little while, just how.... crazy... I really am.
i mean completely, totally over the wall insane, and off the hook crazy, with absolutely no limits.
But then, she reasoned that it was all just talk, see, and so she stopped paying attention to what I was writing/typing, and started focusing on my... actions, which culminated in her offering me parts of her family to assuage my .. lust.
mmmm!
Fuck, i am going to make her eat the kids,yeah, yeah, yeah, all of them, and it is easy for that to happen.
I will just stew them, after I have killed them, and keep her in a room with them. No, I will not kill her, she will either eat that, to keep herself alive for a little while longer, since she will see some people go straight to hell and burn while she looks, and then she will KNOW just what kind of... monster... she decided to slap in the face and dare to... frown at... as she sat there and thought I was something like her. Or less.
Fuck, idiots, I am a person that none of you has ever seen or will ever see, and I ... would pity you... if I was not so fed up with being kept down under by your attitudes.
Fuck, idiots, I am a person that none of you has ever seen or will ever see, and I ... would pity you... if I was not so fed up with being kept down under by your attitudes.
Fuck, oh you will just so be dead, when I deal with you. YEAH!
