Fuck, I am my mother's ... nemesis.

There were delays with the trains in Simonstown because of 'defective signals' at Retreat, so buses were provided by Metrorail after we had waited for about an hour, if not more, and as I waited, I was thinking I would NOT be going o the internet cafe, but fuck,  what happened with all the delays and such made me even more resolute than ever to do that which common sense said was NOT allowed, and I got off the bus a few minutes ago, right at the internet cafe opposite Wynberg Pharmacy, and decided I would, this thursday night, finally get to the real reason why I am going to do what I am going to do, and it has everything to do with NOT doing what someone else wants me to do simply because they think I am ... useful. When to them I am contemptible as  person, like I am some kinda low-life who should not have his interests considered first when people look at him!

I know what I said about God, and I am not sure it is not based on fact, but it can NOT be the only reason why I am embarking on my destructive course (destructive for others, not, this time, for me):- remember, I tried to kill myself when I thought God wanted something from me, that He came to me because He had a ... task ... for me. Now, why would I then say I NEED Him for something, if I am certainly suspicious of Him. Or, more to the point, UNABLE to accommodate Him if He has a... purpose... for me.
I was having Francis run my life down since we met late 2010, and he was saying that while my life was better now, I was still behind him in terms of development, because he has his own place to stay in Capricorn, although I left him and Gerry on the bus as they went  on to Claremont because he was afraid of being robbed if he went alone to Capricorn, from Retreat. I could not explain to him why I was so set on going to the internet cafe and being basically a sort of free-agent with rasta, who he said was still afraid of me because of my earlier outburst, and so let me be, on the whole, while they were put under the hammer a lot.
But the thing, is, I guess, my mother tried to kill me.
not so rare, right?
but then, I decided I would NOT do her any favours, and when she would sit up late knitting so that I could be the first of my  -- you would call it 'generation'-- among the whole Mashora family to get an education that would lead to a University degree and a better life for her, not for ME [woman came and caused hell with a 'girlfriend' because she said she had educated her son to "look after her" so the girl should stay out of my life, like I PERSONALLY had no say in what happened to me about life, MY life, like I owed her for breathing this air. WELL she will OWE me her life, fuck her!], i decided to quit, because the woman hated me and wanted me dead.
what ate me all these years was the fact that she HAD done  me some good, and fed and clothed me... somewhat... so basically I DO owe her, and I will make sure that it happens that in her final years she is fed and clothed, then I will kill her, not TRY as she did.

Basically, I have grown up with a considerable distaste for being ... used... like michelle, saddled with a child, decided she would use me when it was clear to her that I had prospects when it came to a future where she did not have to work herself to the bone to support her kid

That is why I will NOT do her any favours, but kill her for her contempt. Of me.

Or like butt-head's mother approached me and  acted like I was the business when in effect she wanted her son and daughter out of danger. The son dies. And she will see it with her own eyes as I said. Either way. Either she keeps on supporting him, or she deserts him, but she WILL see him die, because I HATE being used like that.imagine her having the gall to come up to me and stand there as if she found me attractive when all the while she wanted me to be led to her sacrificing herself so that her son and daughter were out of danger. And even driving by as if I mattered, when all she saw was some monster that she was afraid of infuriating but still wanted kept muzzled in her breast so that the idiots got to keep on breathing. For that THEY die, along with all her cronies. I will get to the bottom of this ring, and execute every single one of them,  even to those outside the circle that were maybe not so conspicuous because they were behind the scenes, till NONE of the fools are left to mock me with their breathing anymore.

As for nicky?, if you want to know the truth, I think she is rubbish. I imagine a beautiful person, so used to having men flock to her, even the guy who used her and left her saddled with a kid, and then comes her friend, the ratty michelle, who complains about an illegal immigrant bothering her, and she thinks, THAT should be me, not her, so she wants to have me bowled over by her, and she drives up with her brother, they set Cindy Dollery's ears ablaze, and then WE encounter each other and she leans forward so that I can  say OOOla-la! and go down on bended knees and write poems of love to her while she fans herself with a hanky from her bodice, which she hands me and has me go slay dragons for her and die saying, "Oh, how lucky I am to have been so blessed by such... beauty."
Fuck, a woman such as her is only good if she is a good lay, otherwise she is more trouble than she is worth, because she thinks people should appreciate the outside when beauty has nothing to do with what a person considers her good points.
She has a BIG nose, and the fact that she looks in profile like a kind of donkey makes me not want to have her anywhere near me, because I would always think:- "fuck, this bitch bothered me and still, even LOOKING at her makes me nauseous, and she carries herself like she is the most fashionable thing around when I can not even stand to look at her!" I would end up killing her, so, fuck that! I will not waste my time with unprofitable things! I have been rather ... strained... when it comes to dealing with her, because she has absolutely no idea who she is dealing with.
She probably thinks I am the kind of person who is impressed by mere appearance, when in fact I am against her BECAUSE she is so self-absorbed.
NO, she dies. She has been wanting me to bend over ... towards her... and she has therefore seen me as a sort of bone that she must wrestle from her friend, and has, like her mother, completely overlooked ME, making out that getting me to do as she pleased would be a bit like taming the beast, and maybe reveling in the 'kudos'  of having brought the wild thing to heel, and domesticating me.
Oh, she will pay, for sure.
The only thing that is in her favour is that she did NOT try to foist her daughter on me, like michelle did, because if she had, I would have made up my mind about her long back, and decided I would take her out as I will michelle.

Ok, so, if Psalm 73 is NOT the thing, why was I so beefed up today?

Well, as I walked from Glencairn this morning, earlier than usual, I bumped STILL into Allison as she drove down from Simonstown, and I was irritated because fuck, I do not like being bothered, and this time she was turning her head to me, and she has this thing of combing her  pale hair over to the side of her head and then leaning her head to one side, and for me, it was just ... crazy... that someone should bother herself over me like that, like she has nothing better to do like... painting her nails or something.I was actually asking myself and God just what the fuck these women were up to, because sometimes they have acted like ... I ... am something they NEED, and I have come to realise that I am not someone they just need to see around like some regular customer in  a bar, but that they are, in their own ways, TRYING to get me to focus on THEM, and acknowledge them, although I wonder if any of them is even concentrating on what TOMORROW will be like.
Anyway, I have been looking for this song on You-Tube, but as everyone who listens to... real ... music knows,  there is no reggae-dancehall of real import to be found on that blasted site.
The song is called, "Style Nuh Man", which means 'no man has my style'
and the chorus goes like:-

 say me style me style nuh man
when them see me them say me such a phenomenal man
me style me style are nuh man
from me suits and me shoes them wanna man...

et.c.

Anyway, this was what God prepared me for the encounter with Allison with , because frankly I would have turned in the road, and yelled at her.
I am so fucking stressed-up right now because I want to get out of here, and have people start dying, and she is ... badgering me!

Maybe that is what pissed me off, but after I wrote the post, Pat's daughter {now pat is the one renting the first private building as one walks up from the train station; the 'backpackers' where sam used to be, or is, a partner} came from work; that is Candice, and, OSC, she works at the Sherriff's office and she had her toddler of a daughter with her and SHE was the one I was rather worried about because when I last saw the kid she was still very young, and seemed likely to be found glued at her breast.
Now, the girl herself is nice, and wide, and shapely, and so I knew that, OK, I would be quite satisfied with the chick while waiting for the other chick to hatch also, because the child is not at the making-me-jealous stage anymore.
The ten women are therefore as I said before, the seven blondes and three normal haired women, and then there are the five women with kids that I would love to take to just piss off michelle, [and my mother, who said that REAL men do not have anything to do with women with kids] before I kill her, and then there are the four women that I just liked from the women I met, and well, since the sand is running out of the hour-glass, with only tomorrow before disaster, I am hoping,fervently that, as he did today, faggot-face would NOT take me seriously and run away, or that NONE of the OSC would even take this to heart and keep on with their lifestyles, because I would LOVE to just rip into all of them, and destroy them totally as i wave my finger in front of all their faces, and tell them they should NEVER have pissed me off, yesss!

[they should take it personal]

nuh go  deal deal deal
 still a boy get killed
nuh go deal deal deal
you better sign on the will
nuh go a deal deal deal
a boy get killed
no go deal deal deal
we gon pin the barrel

limb by limb
 we are go cut them down
send fi the hacksaw
take out them tongue
limb by limb
 we are go cut them down
send fi the hacksaw
take out them tongue

when them see me me me me
see the hit-man are come
see me me me me
 see me jus' gun down
see me me me me
see the hit-man are come
se me me me me
see me jus' gun down

them one time
one time
nuh come them funeral
them think say
them think say
them are the general...

nuff are them are pose up
 like them run the world...

see the gunshot
when that fire hit hard
tell them I and I
ruler of the spot