Now, I found out the truth yesterday/last night when I exploded in fury and then smashed my fist into hard stone, only to have the hand instantly cooled and healed... I kid you not-- God was telling me the simple truth:- I am a person who, if He backs off a single instant, would be dead, because i care nothing for life on its own with Him absent.
So, on one hand, the... visions... are pretty much true, because since it is only Him I look to, then nothing else matters, and i do not use my sight to see but rather HIS sight to see, and He sees... different ... to what I would see on my own.
So,push comes to shove, i will go with the truth about how He sees things and rely on Him, even if my own heart says otherwise.
On the OTHER hand, being a person who can not really interact with people because of what I am, I tend to ONLY regard a person who... respects me... which to me is more important than any form of closeness that a person may think is important, as I am quite aloof from anyone and have no need to be an integral part of anyone's life.
Which is why, as He pointed out, I am not that interested in hastening things till the little woman makes up her mind, since I will not force her or anyone to be with me, even though I have actually decided that I will take her [provisionally] and her daughters an leave none behind... unless of course that is not acceptable to her, in which case i walk away, and lose nothing, as one can not lose what one never had.
So, nothing is set in stone, as far as I am concerned. I will wait till I can not wait any more and then leave, because something's gotta give.
But I do NOT beg.
While this may seem blasphemous to many, I have to say that I have no-one I hold as being above me. God NEVER tells me what to do, but what will happen, and He regards me as an equal, so, when it comes to pecking order, there is NO ONE above me, and what I say to people ... goes.
I am also not as against certain people as i thought I would be, because, if, for example, I have to take a certain woman and she has some female relatives that have all their teeth and are not displeasing to look at... I have to say I am STILL unhappy at this nicky? thing... then I will have no real reason NOT to take the person along, because, as far as I am concerned, the more women the better, the more... variety, the more preserved the women will be and the less stress I will be under, because then NO ONE will be too close to me, as I find that rather inhibitive.
BUT as for michelle... grrrr!
But even there, I have a feeling i am not just going to walk away.
Said too much, gave too much of myself and exposed too much that I can not just walk away, though I hate HER big time.
Will probably kill her.
YEAH right!
NOW, is everything clear?
There is that small guy who thinks God alone is king and I am an imposter who has a' pose like me named chuck norris'
Wonder what he thinks now?
If I take his mother, sisters, girlfriend, and leave him alone with his racist views in intolerant Zimbabwe?
Maybe it would be easier on him for him to just face me and just die.
I will kill him and then know my own life will be easier, because I would NOT have to bother about michelle or his sister.
