So, I better make it all very clear, then should I NOT?
For one thing, God shows me situations and things, and it is upt to me to then use my own mind and leanings and THEN decide which is the best way to do things. The FINAL decision is ALWAYS mine, and it is only when I have decided for myself what I want that I discover that God knew all along what the decision would be.
NOW, I'm a rather peculiar person, in that NO ONE who has ever crossed me is allowed to have a second chance in my life, because I am basically the sort of person anyone is likely to conclude is a pushover, a contemptible type, and so, dis me, and you have an enemy for life, since that shows that you did conclude that what you see is all that is there of me, and did not think to see me as a person worthy of... respect.
THEREFORE, regardless of whatever her frame of mind, nicky?, for what she did, is dead, and no compensation is... allowed.Strike ONE.
I also regard it as an insult that some... power... would like to numb my senses so much that it - I mean the stupid spirit- would want to literally force me to accept a person that I was NOT inclined towards so that I could end up in misery all the days of my life;- by that I mean the songs that fortuitously occured just before a certain person showed up, and so, by that reasoning, I have to scratch off my list the little one with her red cheeks, since the choice is, and will always be, MINE. Strike Two
Then there is the married chick. Fuck, she is already dead, because even if it happened that she was to... change and be ... free... she would always be a person who so depised me that she decided to get entangled with me while still attached elsewhere, and as i have said so MANY times before; I hate women thinking they can get away with double dealing. That must be the one thing I hate the MOST of all. Strike Three.
none of them brave enough
to confront we
five of them come
elephant kill three...
to confront we
five of them come
elephant kill three...
Now, of all the women that have been... reading my posts, the above is true, 'none of them brave enough to confront we';- they have prefered to use subterfuge and NOT let their true feelings shown, and yet at the same time I was busy telling everyone of how certain women bared their souls to me, and they, these fools, assumed that that did NOT apply to them, or that they had some kind of special dispensation to avoid toeing the same line so as to avoid angering me, because maybe they saw a ... different... Prince to the one these women with no scales on their eyes nor scum in their ears did see.
So, of course, I am NOT amused with them, and frankly, since i have set my heart on being healed soon, and thus taking off as early as possible AFTER killing off my enemies, I think that the ... window period... for them to get anywhere near me is almost over, and the other thing is that, everytime it gets to this point, where i end up complaning to God about women that He has allowed into my life, I am ... allowed ... to over-ride everything and take my own way out.
Now, if you will notice, there was that vision of my headm, where I ended up taking out this white worm from somewhere near my... temple... and then going, "I am giving you fifteen seconds to get out of here", and only counting to ten, and then, at ten, having all the... crowd, depart from my head, and reveal me, in my head, on ice,struggling against chains as I am strapped to a chair, and chained there with only my head and hands visible while everyting else is covered in ice;- well, I did NOT have to wait till the complete fifteen count, so, there is a bit of a leeway there [just as when God said that elijah would turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to the fathers, or else He would smite the earth with a curse... conditional, that is, so, of course, I do NOT have to do anyting to get people right with God, since i am NOT interested in serving Him, not in that way, but in being myself, so, of course, at the end, God WILL smite the earth with a curse] meaning that if the five women decide to play wait-and-see, then they will die with the rest of the people left behind.
Now, the ONLY type of person that could, of these five who I would be willing to make room for, be safe with me, a person who never foirgives nor forgets, is one who appears to be what she is NOT, like maybe if it turns out that the latino chick merely ... seemed... to be involved with the chunky boy but was NOT really, just that she was afraid of coming out in the open about how she felt, then, well, maybe, I may accept her, but ONLY if she eats humble pie and comes out in the open.
Or maybe the woman who has, for the past three days already, been hounding me, first showing up as I am exiting the library, right at the door, and I ignored her and she did not DARE greet me, and then driving past seemingly on her way to kalk bay as I walked into Fish Hoek, in her golf, the next day, and THEN, finally, as I sat at the woolworths parking yesterday, wondering whether I should go steal some wire to make this other guy's ... order... so that I could get some money to buy food, she walks by, spruced up, with some guy, and they check some houses for sale at the property house accross the road.
And I am like, what the fuck? Ok, so she does have this hair problem, but I am most certain that IF she is interested in ME, and ONLY in me, I can most certainly accommodate her, because, fuck, I am LOOKING for some people like that, people that would give up everything for me, NOW, when I am 'nothing', because when I am 'something' I will have no time for them.
OK, provided the daughter with her... sexy legs comes too! I liked the way they walked together, and now all of a sudden the mother wants to have the cake all to herself? Now, how can I look at HER and not remember the daughter's legs as thy both walked by? Fuck, does NO ONE pay attaention to what I say, especially about my memory?
OH, maybe, if nicky?'s sister with her nice ass were to walk away from her family, and thus put my mind at ease about her... interest, then her and these two and the sexy elderly lady and miss-puffed-up-over-prostitutes would be THE FIVE, to get me out of here and ensure that i would NOT have to have any other searches as I get ready to ... leave... for ever... this accursed planet!
So, of course, I am NOT amused with them, and frankly, since i have set my heart on being healed soon, and thus taking off as early as possible AFTER killing off my enemies, I think that the ... window period... for them to get anywhere near me is almost over, and the other thing is that, everytime it gets to this point, where i end up complaning to God about women that He has allowed into my life, I am ... allowed ... to over-ride everything and take my own way out.
Now, if you will notice, there was that vision of my headm, where I ended up taking out this white worm from somewhere near my... temple... and then going, "I am giving you fifteen seconds to get out of here", and only counting to ten, and then, at ten, having all the... crowd, depart from my head, and reveal me, in my head, on ice,struggling against chains as I am strapped to a chair, and chained there with only my head and hands visible while everyting else is covered in ice;- well, I did NOT have to wait till the complete fifteen count, so, there is a bit of a leeway there [just as when God said that elijah would turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to the fathers, or else He would smite the earth with a curse... conditional, that is, so, of course, I do NOT have to do anyting to get people right with God, since i am NOT interested in serving Him, not in that way, but in being myself, so, of course, at the end, God WILL smite the earth with a curse] meaning that if the five women decide to play wait-and-see, then they will die with the rest of the people left behind.
Now, the ONLY type of person that could, of these five who I would be willing to make room for, be safe with me, a person who never foirgives nor forgets, is one who appears to be what she is NOT, like maybe if it turns out that the latino chick merely ... seemed... to be involved with the chunky boy but was NOT really, just that she was afraid of coming out in the open about how she felt, then, well, maybe, I may accept her, but ONLY if she eats humble pie and comes out in the open.
Or maybe the woman who has, for the past three days already, been hounding me, first showing up as I am exiting the library, right at the door, and I ignored her and she did not DARE greet me, and then driving past seemingly on her way to kalk bay as I walked into Fish Hoek, in her golf, the next day, and THEN, finally, as I sat at the woolworths parking yesterday, wondering whether I should go steal some wire to make this other guy's ... order... so that I could get some money to buy food, she walks by, spruced up, with some guy, and they check some houses for sale at the property house accross the road.
And I am like, what the fuck? Ok, so she does have this hair problem, but I am most certain that IF she is interested in ME, and ONLY in me, I can most certainly accommodate her, because, fuck, I am LOOKING for some people like that, people that would give up everything for me, NOW, when I am 'nothing', because when I am 'something' I will have no time for them.
OK, provided the daughter with her... sexy legs comes too! I liked the way they walked together, and now all of a sudden the mother wants to have the cake all to herself? Now, how can I look at HER and not remember the daughter's legs as thy both walked by? Fuck, does NO ONE pay attaention to what I say, especially about my memory?
OH, maybe, if nicky?'s sister with her nice ass were to walk away from her family, and thus put my mind at ease about her... interest, then her and these two and the sexy elderly lady and miss-puffed-up-over-prostitutes would be THE FIVE, to get me out of here and ensure that i would NOT have to have any other searches as I get ready to ... leave... for ever... this accursed planet!
