I needed to seriously get my head lost in some hard core sound, for a while, because I just discovered WHAT I am...
Ok, I would have been wiser to use the money I unexpectedly made today while sydney watched with his 'mouth in his nose' - a shona saying for frustrated anger- for food, but hey, I am really just too... stunned to get over what I stumbled on that easy, so, I guess I am going to be very cross when I get back to kalk bay later tonight; again.
But then, at least my uncertainty is gone. I KNOW why I do the things I do, and fuck, people, it is not as if I am trying to play with people's lives here, I just can NOT behave the way you all expect, besides, you have mouths, why do you NOT say something instead of just bleeding over my shoulder thinking everything MUST apply to you. Gees, gimme some breathing room!
So, this is what happened;- I finish my post, and am going to the mountain, petting myself on the back for a problem solved, and theh God spikes me again and says, "I will be gone in the morning when you awake and find I'm no longer there...", yeah, THAT chick's song, and so I am immediately incensed, but for once I decide no just chill, and I walk to kalk bay, and then decide to sell tinashe's pliers- fuck, I am spoiling for a fight here, see? and as I sit there, waiting for the guy who was interested to come back, someone asks me to make something for his customer because he is busy doing something else, and I do that, and then the sexy blonde contemporary art chick comes and goes into the bakery, and then comes out and as she walks away, her hair tied behind her as usual -thankfully- she sighs, but hey YOU are not the one in the vision, hey, because I do NOT see you as having a child, and also, if you were NOT so easy to read I would be very upset about your living style, but that later, and then, after her, the red-head comes along, goes into the bakery and then comes out again, and she is harder to read but as I go to the train- and fuck, I had to PAY- I meet her and I look her in the eye as we pass and there is no doubt what she is thinking, but then, again, sorry, it was NOT yu in the "Stop Drinking " thing, although I am very interested in you as well as the art chick,but again, more later, and anyway, I suddenly find out that I was RIGHT in my deduction of both the vision;- it IS nicky?, the REAL nicky? but these are the facts, and the conclusion is something else.it does NOT mean that I ... accept... butt-head's mom.The reason is simple, and the fact that it took me this long to get to it shows just how much I have had to wean myself from the 'normal' mentality that all my reading and the expectation of those around me has stamped on me.
Listen, this is how I roll:- I see everything as either a challenge or some kind of provocation, see?, and I can not- like a snake will immediately snap its head in that direction if one tosses a rat in its sight- resist a challenge.nobody told me that there is more to life than just prsuing the impossible, because THAT is exactly what I do; I will carry on after something till I solve it, and what nicky? did when she leaned towards me as she and her brother drove down on me made me want to take everything apart till I got to the end of it all. I do not have any idea of limits, because I can summon any might that I feel like, and will NEVER back down.
of course, if I was left alone and had no help, i would carry on working rings on everything till I destroyed everything, but in my case it really is NOT good for me to be alone , which is why I have an ... assistant... who carries me sometimes where i am not sure I want to go, because I have to get to the end of things.
And in this case I was suposed to actually see that, since butt-head's mom had STOPPED her drive-bys, even she has realised that I am NOT some street-kid, and has learned some measure of respect for me, and desisted from angering me. Which means that the one who is supposed to get the... power... to perform the vidkun quisling act of walking away from her whole family is nicky?, but as for butt-head's mom and the other girls I had said are the ones, the three that had 'replacements' as the last three of my women of the twenty, they are effectively cancelled out, because they had other agendas than had nicky?, for whom, as i was thinking about her the day after she came to me, I had a new 'friend' in mind in the form of the girl I called, specifically so that she could ... learn... to see, or else I would probably kill her [which is another thing; I would prefer to kill everyone who pisses me off- trust me, I carry deepest darkness in my heart- but then, my helper sort of eases me of that burden, which is not to say i would not prefer to do it myself; after all, I am still to meet a person that I can not take apart systematically if it comes to that, and that aint no idle boast] see?
So, as things turned out, as soon as allison decided that she would show me the way things should be, and pissed me off, i got a woman who left me in no doubt how she felt about me, and as I was now definitely pissed off with all women, I guess I needed some extra demonstration of just how the woman really wanted to be with me:- remember that in that vision I mentioned that the theme song was the one where 'who do you tell when you love someone/hoping that someone will love you too?' were the catchwords?
hey, so, when she ... happened, even allison with her super legs lost her appeal.
as did the french ink chick when that other woman decided to run ahead and wait so that she could confirm that she was not mocking me when she smiled at me , and then as well, there was that chick whose face I can not even se now, but whose smile and subsequent actions made it plain to me that I mattered a lot.
so, of course the three women who wanted to subvert my will to theirs lost all ground, and now thay will be easy to drop, because I would not have quit to carry on with my life if the women had not... happened.
as for the red-head, the reason i thought at first that she and her friend were the two who were to stop me, as I see now, being bitter, was because that morning I saw the friend's face in a vision and all she was doing was looking above me, to some spot somewhere to my left, and I only found that it meant she was 'overlooking' me , and thus thought she was better than me, which is probably why she suggested that walk-by, which later pissed me off, but now, at least i KNOW that the 'intelligent' girl is quite stupid,and so, I will focus on the red-head who seems to genuinely be... interested, and, since, as God consistently, persistently shouted in me by quoting this other chick's song, whose lyrics go "lightning dont strike/the same place twice/... do you show your, secrets with me/something's coming over....bla bla.../happiness lies in your own hands....", well, I can NEVER have two ladies from the same place, or group;- whoever wants to have anything to do with me does so... alone.
Then there is the art chick, the contemporary chick, hey, as I said, you are easy to read, and the fact that you run away as you do and there is no one who comes to try to interfere with me means that whatever 'marital status' you are in, it is not a 'normal one' and so, will you just PLEASE let me be ME, because really, the person you want all to yourself is as friendly as a nest of vipers, hungry, with their eyes on some fucking hapless chickens
Trust me, you need to give me some room, or you really will NOT be able to survive my... intensity.
I like you, but you have to think about the big picture. the longest I have been able to stand a woman, alone is seven months, and then I lost interest. Do you want seven months or life. THINK about it for once.
Well, I guess the nicole kidman chick will stay, because I personally think she suits me, as well as the smiling girl, and the daughter of the st-peters woman.
Now, will people let me be me or do I have to get senselessly violent?< mmm?
But then, at least my uncertainty is gone. I KNOW why I do the things I do, and fuck, people, it is not as if I am trying to play with people's lives here, I just can NOT behave the way you all expect, besides, you have mouths, why do you NOT say something instead of just bleeding over my shoulder thinking everything MUST apply to you. Gees, gimme some breathing room!
So, this is what happened;- I finish my post, and am going to the mountain, petting myself on the back for a problem solved, and theh God spikes me again and says, "I will be gone in the morning when you awake and find I'm no longer there...", yeah, THAT chick's song, and so I am immediately incensed, but for once I decide no just chill, and I walk to kalk bay, and then decide to sell tinashe's pliers- fuck, I am spoiling for a fight here, see? and as I sit there, waiting for the guy who was interested to come back, someone asks me to make something for his customer because he is busy doing something else, and I do that, and then the sexy blonde contemporary art chick comes and goes into the bakery, and then comes out and as she walks away, her hair tied behind her as usual -thankfully- she sighs, but hey YOU are not the one in the vision, hey, because I do NOT see you as having a child, and also, if you were NOT so easy to read I would be very upset about your living style, but that later, and then, after her, the red-head comes along, goes into the bakery and then comes out again, and she is harder to read but as I go to the train- and fuck, I had to PAY- I meet her and I look her in the eye as we pass and there is no doubt what she is thinking, but then, again, sorry, it was NOT yu in the "Stop Drinking " thing, although I am very interested in you as well as the art chick,but again, more later, and anyway, I suddenly find out that I was RIGHT in my deduction of both the vision;- it IS nicky?, the REAL nicky? but these are the facts, and the conclusion is something else.it does NOT mean that I ... accept... butt-head's mom.The reason is simple, and the fact that it took me this long to get to it shows just how much I have had to wean myself from the 'normal' mentality that all my reading and the expectation of those around me has stamped on me.
Listen, this is how I roll:- I see everything as either a challenge or some kind of provocation, see?, and I can not- like a snake will immediately snap its head in that direction if one tosses a rat in its sight- resist a challenge.nobody told me that there is more to life than just prsuing the impossible, because THAT is exactly what I do; I will carry on after something till I solve it, and what nicky? did when she leaned towards me as she and her brother drove down on me made me want to take everything apart till I got to the end of it all. I do not have any idea of limits, because I can summon any might that I feel like, and will NEVER back down.
of course, if I was left alone and had no help, i would carry on working rings on everything till I destroyed everything, but in my case it really is NOT good for me to be alone , which is why I have an ... assistant... who carries me sometimes where i am not sure I want to go, because I have to get to the end of things.
And in this case I was suposed to actually see that, since butt-head's mom had STOPPED her drive-bys, even she has realised that I am NOT some street-kid, and has learned some measure of respect for me, and desisted from angering me. Which means that the one who is supposed to get the... power... to perform the vidkun quisling act of walking away from her whole family is nicky?, but as for butt-head's mom and the other girls I had said are the ones, the three that had 'replacements' as the last three of my women of the twenty, they are effectively cancelled out, because they had other agendas than had nicky?, for whom, as i was thinking about her the day after she came to me, I had a new 'friend' in mind in the form of the girl I called, specifically so that she could ... learn... to see, or else I would probably kill her [which is another thing; I would prefer to kill everyone who pisses me off- trust me, I carry deepest darkness in my heart- but then, my helper sort of eases me of that burden, which is not to say i would not prefer to do it myself; after all, I am still to meet a person that I can not take apart systematically if it comes to that, and that aint no idle boast] see?
So, as things turned out, as soon as allison decided that she would show me the way things should be, and pissed me off, i got a woman who left me in no doubt how she felt about me, and as I was now definitely pissed off with all women, I guess I needed some extra demonstration of just how the woman really wanted to be with me:- remember that in that vision I mentioned that the theme song was the one where 'who do you tell when you love someone/hoping that someone will love you too?' were the catchwords?
hey, so, when she ... happened, even allison with her super legs lost her appeal.
as did the french ink chick when that other woman decided to run ahead and wait so that she could confirm that she was not mocking me when she smiled at me , and then as well, there was that chick whose face I can not even se now, but whose smile and subsequent actions made it plain to me that I mattered a lot.
so, of course the three women who wanted to subvert my will to theirs lost all ground, and now thay will be easy to drop, because I would not have quit to carry on with my life if the women had not... happened.
as for the red-head, the reason i thought at first that she and her friend were the two who were to stop me, as I see now, being bitter, was because that morning I saw the friend's face in a vision and all she was doing was looking above me, to some spot somewhere to my left, and I only found that it meant she was 'overlooking' me , and thus thought she was better than me, which is probably why she suggested that walk-by, which later pissed me off, but now, at least i KNOW that the 'intelligent' girl is quite stupid,and so, I will focus on the red-head who seems to genuinely be... interested, and, since, as God consistently, persistently shouted in me by quoting this other chick's song, whose lyrics go "lightning dont strike/the same place twice/... do you show your, secrets with me/something's coming over....bla bla.../happiness lies in your own hands....", well, I can NEVER have two ladies from the same place, or group;- whoever wants to have anything to do with me does so... alone.
Then there is the art chick, the contemporary chick, hey, as I said, you are easy to read, and the fact that you run away as you do and there is no one who comes to try to interfere with me means that whatever 'marital status' you are in, it is not a 'normal one' and so, will you just PLEASE let me be ME, because really, the person you want all to yourself is as friendly as a nest of vipers, hungry, with their eyes on some fucking hapless chickens
Trust me, you need to give me some room, or you really will NOT be able to survive my... intensity.
I like you, but you have to think about the big picture. the longest I have been able to stand a woman, alone is seven months, and then I lost interest. Do you want seven months or life. THINK about it for once.
Well, I guess the nicole kidman chick will stay, because I personally think she suits me, as well as the smiling girl, and the daughter of the st-peters woman.
Now, will people let me be me or do I have to get senselessly violent?< mmm?
this is serious
you should have a healthy fear of us
too much of us can be dangerous
you should have a healthy fear of us
too much of us can be dangerous
Trust me here, God;s helper is the safer of us, because me alone would leave no one alive, since I judge relentlessly and am impressed by no one!
