Gee, how do I start this post? By saying that I went to S/Town to really get a grip on this growing feeling that I am, after all, going to have to deal with some of the guys the ... hard way... or by pointing out that I WOULD NOT have walked at all but for the fact that I missed the train and decided to stroll over to the place?Either way, I had some of the gloomiest time of my life as i walked and pondered the issues of my... irritation, and singing did NOT take my mind off it, and I felt fit to burst as i got to tinashe's place. Before I got there, though, like, when I was right outside, I saw this loose limbed white girl, walking down towards me and while she had nothing to make her memorable, I at least reflected gloomily that my life would be much simpler if it was girls, and not women - and mothers- that were making my life rather unpleasant.
I went in, everyone, including the guy i had ostensibly come to see, was going out so I cooled my heels while looking for something to do, or book to read. Settled on 'The Official Movie Book' of the blockbuster 'Batman Forever' and started leafing through it listlessly.
And stopped short when i saw the pisture of nicole kidman. Now, woman is stunning, and with everything that was going on, with me so gloomy about everything, I was rather struck by the poignancy of it all, that God would reveal someone's attractiveness to me when there was NO ONE that was close to home that even remotely looked like her to take my mind and bitterness of her.
later, I was to walk to Glencairn, board a train and get off at Kalk Bay, and have some desultory converstaion with sydney, and observe that the white chick who seems to be friends with him, who came as we talked, and was dressed in a... dress... which she said she got at a garage sale in somerset west, had small breasts that were showing as ... pimples, on her dress. And all of that was sooo captivating, because I knew that those breasts had never been sucked on by a child.
But , as i said, there was nothing close to hand for me.
I walked up the wrong way up the one way street from sydney and the olympia deli and passed time helping the driver of this LDV who did not seem sure he could pass between the scaffold that some workman had erected and a parked car, with bumping into either or scratching them, or his car. I told him he had plenty of room, and when i was giving him the thumbs up at his rear view mirror to show that i was right, and he had had loads of room to spare, who do i see but... nicole kidman.SEEM SEEMA?
A younger version, and even with the red lipstick that she has on the movie soundtrack by seal?
And she was fixing on me a gaze that would have done a cobra luring a deer to its death proud.
It was pure predator, that gaze, pure unadulterated... want... pure... LUST.
And there I am already, about to throw in the towel, and the girl is walking behind me, and seems to think I am dinner.
Did I reciprocate? hell, NO. I walked very slowly up the road, on the extreme right end, giving her a wide berth so that she had plenty of room to walk as she pleased, and i only turned back once, to see that she was still looking at me with the same unrelenting attention.
We were both only about a third of the way up the road, but till the end of it, by the junction, she did NOT pass me. Ireached the crossroads first, and made it plain that I was going to keep on giving her lots of room to go where she wanted, and it was only then that she walked past on the other side of the road, all the way to Link Road, and I got to check her out.
Slim, with her hair shoulder length, and fucking sexy, any way you look at it, and she was wearing dark jeans, and flat soled shoes. Got to the junction and walked straight to the house across the T, and as she stood by the gate, she let me see her profile, as she looked DOWN link road, while I was... likely to emerge... UP it, and I ... even I... reached the conclusion that this... girl... had done all this for MY benefit... and that my... posts, instead of repelling women like i assumd [fuck, who LIKES honesty?] were drawing the RIGHT chicks at the right time... for me.
I left her with dogs barking at her in greeting and someone, her age, maybe both late-ish teens, opened the gate for her.
Went up, and would NOT have gone up the mountain for water but did NOT find a container at the bottom, but as I was sitting there, I decided that if God were the one responsible for me having to have 'a new heart' then He may as well take the women for Himself, because i rejected them, butt-head's mom, the inkfish girl, and allison, so fuck it, I WILL kill them, and to hell with the bullshit of...second chances.
Went down, did NOT sleep, as usual, till maybe early morning, and could not get it ou of my mind that, regardless of how I look at it, I may, and have decided to, dump these other women, but I could NEVER kill the boy that allison came with because he did me no harm. make no mistake about it, he will not survive my departure, but fuck, I will ONLY end the lives of my enemies, and I am, even at present, damned if I can put allison in that category.
REASON is that for the first time the woman, when she showed up, did NOT act all-over-the-place, did not try to get everything organised her way,and even went meekly and hid from me till I left, as if for the first time she ... saw... that she did not have to convince either herself or somebody else of what she thought, but she had to convince... ME.
And i was definitely NOT amused by her shenanigans, and her thinking that I like having to guess what someone is thinking. If it is me she wants, then she better let it show, and come out of the dark and let ME see, or else i am throwing her off, as I had determined.
Anyway, she is rather... safe... in that I did NOT ... ask... for her replacemant, from God, but He sent someone on His own, someone who was herself, while NOT perfect, at least easier on the eyes that the conceited woman.
So, allison's glamour, in my eyes, has been rather... soiled, but as for the other two, I definitely wanted them... replaced, because neither of them has what I wanted;- SEX appeal.
Fuck, I could take allison anytime, anywhere, provided she has set my mind at ease about the people, those males, in her life, because she still is a woman that awakens lust in me just by mere looking at her, the way the elderly sexy RAV woman did, the way the seem seema girl did, the way nicky did, in that vision I had about her with her breasts with stars instead of nipples, fuck, the way her SISTER did in her mini, with her hair tied behind her as she walked up the steps like a model...!
Provided I KNEW just wheere the fuck I stood.
And provided that nicky, nicky?, nicky? did NOT assume that she can overlook me more than once and get away with it.
the ONLY reason I am even considering letting her live is because there is STILL no one like her, and i do not want any but if she does not adhere to my terms, then she better just get ready to garrote herself before I get there!
I went in, everyone, including the guy i had ostensibly come to see, was going out so I cooled my heels while looking for something to do, or book to read. Settled on 'The Official Movie Book' of the blockbuster 'Batman Forever' and started leafing through it listlessly.
And stopped short when i saw the pisture of nicole kidman. Now, woman is stunning, and with everything that was going on, with me so gloomy about everything, I was rather struck by the poignancy of it all, that God would reveal someone's attractiveness to me when there was NO ONE that was close to home that even remotely looked like her to take my mind and bitterness of her.
later, I was to walk to Glencairn, board a train and get off at Kalk Bay, and have some desultory converstaion with sydney, and observe that the white chick who seems to be friends with him, who came as we talked, and was dressed in a... dress... which she said she got at a garage sale in somerset west, had small breasts that were showing as ... pimples, on her dress. And all of that was sooo captivating, because I knew that those breasts had never been sucked on by a child.
But , as i said, there was nothing close to hand for me.
I walked up the wrong way up the one way street from sydney and the olympia deli and passed time helping the driver of this LDV who did not seem sure he could pass between the scaffold that some workman had erected and a parked car, with bumping into either or scratching them, or his car. I told him he had plenty of room, and when i was giving him the thumbs up at his rear view mirror to show that i was right, and he had had loads of room to spare, who do i see but... nicole kidman.SEEM SEEMA?
A younger version, and even with the red lipstick that she has on the movie soundtrack by seal?
It was pure predator, that gaze, pure unadulterated... want... pure... LUST.
And there I am already, about to throw in the towel, and the girl is walking behind me, and seems to think I am dinner.
Did I reciprocate? hell, NO. I walked very slowly up the road, on the extreme right end, giving her a wide berth so that she had plenty of room to walk as she pleased, and i only turned back once, to see that she was still looking at me with the same unrelenting attention.
We were both only about a third of the way up the road, but till the end of it, by the junction, she did NOT pass me. Ireached the crossroads first, and made it plain that I was going to keep on giving her lots of room to go where she wanted, and it was only then that she walked past on the other side of the road, all the way to Link Road, and I got to check her out.
Slim, with her hair shoulder length, and fucking sexy, any way you look at it, and she was wearing dark jeans, and flat soled shoes. Got to the junction and walked straight to the house across the T, and as she stood by the gate, she let me see her profile, as she looked DOWN link road, while I was... likely to emerge... UP it, and I ... even I... reached the conclusion that this... girl... had done all this for MY benefit... and that my... posts, instead of repelling women like i assumd [fuck, who LIKES honesty?] were drawing the RIGHT chicks at the right time... for me.
I left her with dogs barking at her in greeting and someone, her age, maybe both late-ish teens, opened the gate for her.
Went up, and would NOT have gone up the mountain for water but did NOT find a container at the bottom, but as I was sitting there, I decided that if God were the one responsible for me having to have 'a new heart' then He may as well take the women for Himself, because i rejected them, butt-head's mom, the inkfish girl, and allison, so fuck it, I WILL kill them, and to hell with the bullshit of...second chances.
Went down, did NOT sleep, as usual, till maybe early morning, and could not get it ou of my mind that, regardless of how I look at it, I may, and have decided to, dump these other women, but I could NEVER kill the boy that allison came with because he did me no harm. make no mistake about it, he will not survive my departure, but fuck, I will ONLY end the lives of my enemies, and I am, even at present, damned if I can put allison in that category.
REASON is that for the first time the woman, when she showed up, did NOT act all-over-the-place, did not try to get everything organised her way,and even went meekly and hid from me till I left, as if for the first time she ... saw... that she did not have to convince either herself or somebody else of what she thought, but she had to convince... ME.
And i was definitely NOT amused by her shenanigans, and her thinking that I like having to guess what someone is thinking. If it is me she wants, then she better let it show, and come out of the dark and let ME see, or else i am throwing her off, as I had determined.
Anyway, she is rather... safe... in that I did NOT ... ask... for her replacemant, from God, but He sent someone on His own, someone who was herself, while NOT perfect, at least easier on the eyes that the conceited woman.
So, allison's glamour, in my eyes, has been rather... soiled, but as for the other two, I definitely wanted them... replaced, because neither of them has what I wanted;- SEX appeal.
Fuck, I could take allison anytime, anywhere, provided she has set my mind at ease about the people, those males, in her life, because she still is a woman that awakens lust in me just by mere looking at her, the way the elderly sexy RAV woman did, the way the seem seema girl did, the way nicky did, in that vision I had about her with her breasts with stars instead of nipples, fuck, the way her SISTER did in her mini, with her hair tied behind her as she walked up the steps like a model...!
Provided I KNEW just wheere the fuck I stood.
And provided that nicky, nicky?, nicky? did NOT assume that she can overlook me more than once and get away with it.
the ONLY reason I am even considering letting her live is because there is STILL no one like her, and i do not want any but if she does not adhere to my terms, then she better just get ready to garrote herself before I get there!
