Like, when I woke because the fire had gone down, and went under again, I had this vision with something I ... took... to be a command, and it was of a container, in cross section ['cross'mmm; =>angry?] and in it were two empty smaller containers, and yet while they were at the bottom, all around, in the container, was water, and above the bigger container, the one that had the two identical side-by-side empty ones, was a sliver of the moon, and the moon was not in the shape of a smile, but
like this, only it was not slanted to one side but equally divided against
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| Stop Drinking |
the moon with the sun literally shining from above it can also be explained easily by reflecting on the vision that israel's son by his beloved wife, rachel,joseph, had a dream where he saw the sun and the moon bow down to his sheaf or something, and we all know that we ... see... the moon because of the reflection of the sun off of it, so the woman was the moon to jacob's sun, and so, in MY vision, god was saying NOW that I did not hav to lower myself at all to these women because, maybe, now that they had 'seen' what took priority in my life, they had become less idiotic and more willing to be subservient?
so i had to stop trying to drink the water away from them, but let them do what they should naturally do, as i was pleasantly surprised to find the st-peters girl do yesterday; which is come OUT on their own.
now, who the fuck am I talking about?
frankly, I am still NOT at all sure that the... women are all there, yet.
for one thing, the first one had taken on a habit of ignoring me as a person and then, when she saw that my attention wa diverted by someone else, she would charge in to reclaim her 'lost territory' and after a while she so pissed me off that i ... almost... scratched her out of my life for good, and had God not intervened and shown me a woman that had none of these qualities that this self-bloated person had, and thus made me forget her for a while and carry on with my life, i would have completely wiped her off from my shopping list. except now that i tghink that she was genuinely interested in me, but from her own made-up coneption of what a litle insect I was, not from true reasoning and acceptance of facts as they are, which, i suppose are partly my fault because I never bothered diggin deep to find out why i REALLY wanted to get out of here, and why I was so set on being in the place where I had all the possibility of getting the data and the facts that i needed to begin my journey into God's Unexplored Regions.
I am talking about allison, of course, and the dep sested fear that i had developed that she would try to do two things, one that if i let her run loose, as she had shown herself completely apt tom, she would try to drive wedges between me and the rest of the women who had ... honoured me.. and thus try to get all the attnetion to herself, and THIS woul mean, to me that she had no respect for MY choice, meanin she had no respect for ME, meaning I would be enaged in a tug-of-war with her which could only result in one end, her death. And i did not want to soil my hands, and I still do not want to do that, so i am rather hesistant, as far as she is concerned. i have tried to follow her, but like the song goes, that path is 'too high to get over' and IF she wants anything to do with me, then the silly fool HAS to stop trying to be a man and become a female! Fuck, women get men to piss in them, not the other way around, and so, if THEY take man's garbage, why then sheould she think that I have to be subservient to HER needs when she is the one that naturally does the garbage disposal? I hate it when a woman stops thinking like a woman, simply because she gets it into her head that she knows more abiut what you know than you do, and thus tries, evenf she has no idea what she is on about, to steer it inot hwer own territory. i mean, fuck, I still WANT to throttle her for thinking i deserved 'seconds' of her attention, and I do NOT want her to sneak in on me like she used to, and upset me again, because I WILL kill her!
the second is the married chick, and the fact that when i wrote that I wanted to do 'someting more constructive with my time' is when she evidently decided that I was taking her as something of a 'recess project' makes me suspect that even her letting her hair down was an ego thing, because she of course read that the blonde chick on the train inS/Town had let hers down and i had been interested, so, of course, I was something so shallow that all I needed, instead of complete honour and no piecemeal stuff, was a a taste of her with her own hair down. I feel so mad at her that I want to...!
Anyway, these females are fools, but if they will see to it that they obey ME, and stop spitting in my face, then it may go qwell with them, but if not, then I promise that i will have nothing to do with them, and i will wlk awy from them.
then there is the sexy one with her interesting behaviour and her figure. I ahve to admit here that whenever i am apologetic to anyone i am pretending to that person, and lying, so the red-head really does NOT strike my fancy, but her friend DOES, as well as the two, the nicole kidman girl and the one here at the library.
Now, i want it understood, butt-head's mom, that my concessions ran only TO allison and the married chick, for their interest was for me, NOT to you. Cross me and YOU are dead!
