too high to get over
too low to get under
[I'm] stuck in the middle
and the pain is thunder
too low to get under
[I'm] stuck in the middle
and the pain is thunder
Ok, let me put this in order, bearing in mind all I got is 3/4hr to do so.
Sunday, on the day I broke down, at the moment I DID so, in fact, God was... prursuing me with this church song, which is one of the things that made nosense at the time, and which is one of THOSE thngs that is only beginning NOW to make some kind of insane sense:-
Sunday, on the day I broke down, at the moment I DID so, in fact, God was... prursuing me with this church song, which is one of the things that made nosense at the time, and which is one of THOSE thngs that is only beginning NOW to make some kind of insane sense:-
Pamsoro pakudenga
Pana vatsvene vega
... x2
Vanoda kuendako
ngavazviteurire
Vanozogadzirirwa
nomweya woutsvene.
On high in the heavens
are ONLY the holy/clean/pure ones... x2
Those who want to go there
Will have to testify for THEMSELVES
and they will have things made ready for them
by the spirit of holiness/cleanliness
Pana vatsvene vega
... x2
Vanoda kuendako
ngavazviteurire
Vanozogadzirirwa
nomweya woutsvene.
On high in the heavens
are ONLY the holy/clean/pure ones... x2
Those who want to go there
Will have to testify for THEMSELVES
and they will have things made ready for them
by the spirit of holiness/cleanliness
Now, it was, as I said, later that I discovered that all I REALLY wanted was to get out of here, but then, there is THIS thing that maybe has NOT sunk in, but shows in my rages;- OUT of 7 billion people on this whole planet, not all of which it is possible to meet in my neck of the woods, I had something done for me, at the lowest and most insignificant-rendering part of my while existence so far, or rather somethings, that made me feel like I was NOT just a piece of trash as both my mother first and then later michelle and her cronies made me feel:- there came to me 21 ladies that gave such unwarranted respect and bound up, by their mostly silent and once-off actions, deep seated wounds that had made me so, so, afraid to even lift my head up high.
And I had said NOTHING to them of myself, or the truth of who or WHAT I am, something which, by their being there, I only gradually discovered once my sense of self worth was restored.
So,of course, for some silly woman who has and is, reading my posts to actualy ... assume... that the things which these ladies DID, and their silent actions, is ENOUGH for her to imitate and think that merits her ... approval... is to me utter bullshit, because unless these women, the five, or six, that God said I would ... take out and scrutinise, like one takes out fleas from under one's armpit and feels to see if it really is for real that some impudent insect has dared to nest on you and make you its feeding plate[bat's wings extending from the black 'ark'];- well, then they had BETTER think twice, then do they not?
Sacrifice and contempt it is for some woman to walk up and down in my view just so that I can ... NOTICE... her.
Fuck, I am on the verge, like Rincewind in Pratchett's "Colour of Magic" of saying the words that will bring life on this planet to a complete standstill, and then, some seven years later, to an end, because i have had it up to HERE [eh, can you see] with silly people who refuse to even use what little grey matter they have to process the chilling reality that I am NOT someone to treat with such contempt as they do, and have done.
i am on my last legs; I quit working totally, and I sold my ... tools, and today I expect to finish once and for all my last store of food, and I have said it to God, and I say it NOW, that I REFUSE to drag on this charade any longer;- I will NOT let myself suffer so that some prancing pussy can continue preening herself , thinking she is some kind of ..special... thing to me.
I am going to speak, and be done with it, and then people will start dying, and then the door will be shut for good.I will NOT be a beggar, nor worry anymore about where my next meal will come from. I will call to me my twenty-one, and depart for my place, and leave nothing alive in my wake.
THAT said, though, i have to further point out that, in keeping with the Sunday song, and everything that has been going on, I was... wrong... about WHO the two women in yesterday's "Stop Drinking" vision were. Which reminds me, I have something to check right now, and if i am right, then I will not HAVE to pay attention to the shawn michaels vision, but if not, then I will have to reconsider.
HMMM.
So, I was looking for one thing, the thing I accused the contemporary art woman about, that she was reading my posts and wanting to manipulate events so that she sidelines the ones that did me such a great service, [like that bitch allison] and that she had let her hair down just for that.
WEEELLL, I did NOT write THAT part before the friday she showed up as she was, so, I will probaby let it slide, because i was thinking of rejecting her out of hand.
BUT the silly fool is STILL married, and she apparently does NOT think it an important matter to set my heart at ease concerning that.IF the vision is true, then maybe the marriage is one in name only, but even that lack of distinction is a sores sticking point with me, and I NEED clarity, and for her to come out in the open, or else I will do the one thing she probably thoiugh me incapable of;- walk away.
because i will NOT compromise my important ones with dirt like that. Come clean, or be left behind.
that applies to the rest. Like the smiling girl at the library, the st-peters girl, the intelligent chick,nicole kiman look-alike... .
But,as I said, I was so wrong about WHO that vision meant.
And I had said NOTHING to them of myself, or the truth of who or WHAT I am, something which, by their being there, I only gradually discovered once my sense of self worth was restored.
So,of course, for some silly woman who has and is, reading my posts to actualy ... assume... that the things which these ladies DID, and their silent actions, is ENOUGH for her to imitate and think that merits her ... approval... is to me utter bullshit, because unless these women, the five, or six, that God said I would ... take out and scrutinise, like one takes out fleas from under one's armpit and feels to see if it really is for real that some impudent insect has dared to nest on you and make you its feeding plate[bat's wings extending from the black 'ark'];- well, then they had BETTER think twice, then do they not?
Sacrifice and contempt it is for some woman to walk up and down in my view just so that I can ... NOTICE... her.
Fuck, I am on the verge, like Rincewind in Pratchett's "Colour of Magic" of saying the words that will bring life on this planet to a complete standstill, and then, some seven years later, to an end, because i have had it up to HERE [eh, can you see] with silly people who refuse to even use what little grey matter they have to process the chilling reality that I am NOT someone to treat with such contempt as they do, and have done.
i am on my last legs; I quit working totally, and I sold my ... tools, and today I expect to finish once and for all my last store of food, and I have said it to God, and I say it NOW, that I REFUSE to drag on this charade any longer;- I will NOT let myself suffer so that some prancing pussy can continue preening herself , thinking she is some kind of ..special... thing to me.
I am going to speak, and be done with it, and then people will start dying, and then the door will be shut for good.I will NOT be a beggar, nor worry anymore about where my next meal will come from. I will call to me my twenty-one, and depart for my place, and leave nothing alive in my wake.
THAT said, though, i have to further point out that, in keeping with the Sunday song, and everything that has been going on, I was... wrong... about WHO the two women in yesterday's "Stop Drinking" vision were. Which reminds me, I have something to check right now, and if i am right, then I will not HAVE to pay attention to the shawn michaels vision, but if not, then I will have to reconsider.
HMMM.
So, I was looking for one thing, the thing I accused the contemporary art woman about, that she was reading my posts and wanting to manipulate events so that she sidelines the ones that did me such a great service, [like that bitch allison] and that she had let her hair down just for that.
WEEELLL, I did NOT write THAT part before the friday she showed up as she was, so, I will probaby let it slide, because i was thinking of rejecting her out of hand.
BUT the silly fool is STILL married, and she apparently does NOT think it an important matter to set my heart at ease concerning that.IF the vision is true, then maybe the marriage is one in name only, but even that lack of distinction is a sores sticking point with me, and I NEED clarity, and for her to come out in the open, or else I will do the one thing she probably thoiugh me incapable of;- walk away.
because i will NOT compromise my important ones with dirt like that. Come clean, or be left behind.
that applies to the rest. Like the smiling girl at the library, the st-peters girl, the intelligent chick,nicole kiman look-alike... .
But,as I said, I was so wrong about WHO that vision meant.
Because as I was walking back to kal bay yesterday, I met the intelligent chick with her friend, and both were dressed the same, and for the first time I saw just how... sexy... the red-head was without her trousers, and when I realised that the smaller chick [the red head dwarfed her] had apparently- once I saw that they had come out to meet me- decided to show me that there was no ... jealousy between potential women... eh... mine... I was rather impressed, because it would make life easier for me if they all could just get along, and be friends, because sex is for a few minutes anyway, and I hate being stuck in the middle of jealousy.
