of course, one will quickly be able to see that a cloud IS made of water, but that this is condensed, but light [in weight] water that is NOT quite liquid, and not also vapour, but some amorphous thing in between.
Anyway, this is about WHY I am still here, but, if you look at the graph, you will see that [better start with the bottom one] [using the black line for density against temperature] at 4 degrees Celsius, which is where the maximum density of water is to be found at sea level and 1 atmosphere of pressure, water starts to behave weirdly when the temperature is... lowered.Instead of continuing to become more dense as the temperature drops, it starts expanding, which means at freezing point you WILL find water existing as solid , gas and liquid, with the solid being above the lquid, and it is THIS phenomenon that keeps fish alive even in frozen lakes and seas.
because ice floats over the water, having expanded to a density that is less than -eh, you DO know what density is, right?- that of the liquid beneath it.
JUST that POINT is what I wanted to make, all along, I guessI was just thiking about God and everything, and i realised that He did me a very BIG favour, in that He did NOT start with me after, or at , the critical point where I... froze... and started becoming insular;-the point where my mother decided that , at nine months, my life was less important than her other sons'; but rather, so that I would never KNOW the life in which every other person in this world lives, He took me for Himself before I was even born, and kept me like that.
So, at the critical point, when I would have become ... shocked... by my mother's actions and been a wreck for the rest of my life, God actually lifted me up, and the thing is, from THAT time, even up to now, I have been becoming more and more isolated from people, reading them and becoming more and more like a ... cloud... as I see that everyone that comes into my path is just self-centred, wants things for herself, but not a single person takes into cognizance the fact that what they perceive to be ... attention.. is at best an insult, and that it is because, and oNLY because, when compared to other people whose actions, like michelle, and butt-head's mom, were no different from my mother's when she decided that someone else was a priority; THEY at least do not set someone else as a priority, above me.
but it hurts still, because i wake up every morning, and i ask myself where will I go,and today, it was and is bad,because i have nothing to do, and I can not spend the day in the mountains;- the weather is fine and people will be moving about and so will spot my hideout and ... ah, fuck... and also, of course, i have had a very grom eye on sydney for a while, and yesterday he had the sense not to show up, because if he had, I had frezzled nerves, and I am at the end of my tether, really, so..., and I can NOT go to S/Town, not only because of tinashe, but because people like allison, butt-head's mom, and all of them would think I had some sort of appeal to make to them, and so would give me a 'piece of their minds' whatever that is;- so I decided that today i would get onto a train and go to Wynberg, spend a trio of hours on the internet, and then walk slowly back.
To sleep, so I can do this again someday, over and over again.
becaue all the women are selfish, and I have reached a point where I am saying that there will be no more for me, that these 26 are IT, and that, even when I have wrestled control of the earth from people, and find myself ... as the ONLY man... and even if they are the 'burden' that is light, compared to other burdens, yet their every action will still hurt, and smart, because NOT a single one of them ever thought beyond what they wanted, even though they ahve eyes that see.
it is all about them, and i am pretty sure that the stunning chick in kalk bay drove so slowly by me yesterday, trying to attract my attention, maybe even gave up everything, but NOT for me, rather because she did NOT want to be left behind, by me.
I am the invisible man, the person that does not feel the hurt, according to them all, the person who has no... soul, no nerves, no need to know what living is.
And for some reason, the pain that that knowledge arouses in me knows no... boundaries... because had I been in someone else's place, what would have mattered to me would have been that the person's dignity was preserved, FIRST, and yet...
O FATHER, never have I known just how much You care for me than at this moment, because now I KNOW why You gave me Your own soul, and I thank You...
My heart, O God, is sooo sore.
HELP me, please.
I have no idea what to ... be... or do...anymore.
I need rest.
