Which was when it hit me, and I was so overcome i sat and wept.
here I was, thinking that God would ever deal straight with me, and all the while He had been pointedly pointing to the 'terms and conditions' of my life. [DID i say, recently, that I hate God? Fuck, I hate Him!]
apparently, the 'ten women' that were to 'build up' the 'ark' are to be 'kept', and all they did is to be remembered, and used in weighing other women.
OK, THAT is easy. But it also turns out that if I do... consider... these women, and do not suddenly break out into my own thing, then God, as per His ... promise... to the jews [I have decided that, out of spite, I WILL have all the jews exterminated] that if they kept His statuettes and obeyed his commands He will not bring out on them the diseases He brought out on the egyptians because He is the One Who covers them; will, to ME, make sure that I do not suffer any ill-efffects of the sickness that I brought on myself. Part of the 'statuettes' are as follows:- (not your usual ten commandments,here, because God can NOT command ME):
Like me NOT wanting to have anything to do with women that are married since there are, among the original ten, women that were either actively witness or supplements or both, to my brief longing for others' things.
interestingly enough, there is also the fact that someone pisses me off for some reason and, even if I do not ... demand... a replacement, and one is provided anyway, I MUST stop seeking after the one that pissed me off, because there would be no future in that, as I would be after revenge, and NOW my vengeance has to be of the direct kind, not subterfuge.
Like with allisn, who came, and actually proved what God had shown me more than two years before, of how a cousin -male- would show up and , without even knocking, would start taking advantage and THEN try to tell me that I had all the power, when in effect the ONE thing that would have ... exemplified... that power was lacking; the desir of the woman to be under me. Allison acts and has always acted as a male, in charge, wanting everything to go her way, and frankly, I was THAT pissed off with her, so much so that I was itching to have her cross me just ONE more time and I would make her pay. THAT is not love, and the realisation that she and I were incompatible came the day she showed up with that guy, and I knew i could never have anything o do with someone who thinks nothing of disrupting my schedule, especially seeing as how i am not ... inclined... towards leniency, or leting any asshole off the hook for the slightest infraction on my space. So, I think I will be getting to kill the woman very soon, for pissing me off.
However, I also realised one grim thing, when I was thinking I would soon leave, and that is I would NEVER, ever give God room to have me lone with Him, i.e., I would never start to act when I had no one around me, since the ONE thing I hate more than anything else is giving someone I have tried to escape from, so persistently, and tried to evict from my life so consistently, a chance to get His claws into me as I start dealing out vengeance on those that pissed me off, with no person that is aware of everything by my side, to make the bitterness of even ... borrowing... from God, less acute.
This, I think, is the reason why God, knowing me in and out, showed me that I would NEED five women with me, just so that I would have time to bolster my ego while creating a buffer against my ever-growing resentment of God, and these womenwould have to be women that I... like.
I am NOT so sure about nicky?'s sister, because all I have to point her out from any jack and jill, aside from her ass, which I like, is a vision that may not, as i have discovered with God, mean the positive things that I would like it to mean, meaning she may not even be ready to give up everything for me, which even in my own thinking now, is a bit of a stretch seeing as how her brothers, her sister,her motherm, are all destined to fall by my hand. But then, strange things can happen, but, as I said, I am NOT sure. I do like her appearance though, even if i do NOT know what is in her mind, and/or if she has a child that she is willing to abandon so that she can be with me. Frankly, I think I may have to end up killing the whole lot, just for some fresh air.
I am not so doubtful of the intelligent chick, or the nicole-kidman look-alike, or of the one who came to the library with her sweet smile, but when it comes to the girl whose mother wanted me to go to st.peters, I am not so certain. Even though from what i have 'seen' things are not what they seem with the mother's influence- though she also is DEAD- on her daughter.
BUT, hey, what i would really have liked, though maybe she may think age has more of a say than anything else, to which I am blind frankly, because she is not going to ... age... beyond that; is the sexy elderly lady in her RAV-4. After the trouble I had with the contemporary art woman, I would have liked to get some payback, in the form of being able to gloat as I show up with the RAV-4 woman, but then, I worry about whether she, who has the most likelihood of having her own place, may have kids that, when weighed against any possible, dubious, far-fetched gain in being with me, would make it all seem too much of a risk.
BUT I would like her with me, if she is willing, as long as the terms and conditions are kept:- no other men, no kids, no attachments, which applies to all the women, actually.
so, for now, as mega banton says:- I aint going way now, no way no matter what them say, no matter what them say now!
