Let me hit you with it quick:- when things happen to me and I find myself the subject of a great deal of scrutiny, the first thing I tend to do is walk away, since NOTHING matters to me as much as -apparently - it matters to anyone else.
That does not mean I am a coward, no, even though I tend to NOT want to inflict on myself any more scars on my hands as I have done over the past few years, when, in running away, I ended up in some pretty awkward corners that left me with NO option but to.. fight back. And hurt people, bad.
But NOW, I have run out of places to run to. I blame God for that, and if I had NOT stopped trying to just drift and fade away, I would still be a wanderer, not fixed nor attachged to anything, but carrying on, trying to find out what is beyond the next corner.
BUT, God had to force me to look at things, especially as I discovered that ... as I always point out, I can not die, and so, I needed to stop turning away from problems created by people who had less sense than to see that it would have been best for them to .Just. Leave. Me. Alone.
SO, I am NOT truning back THIS time.
Yesterday, I went to S/Town -and since I do NOT have to account for my being there to anyone beforehand, I chose NOT to say why, first- to get my cousin justin'/justice's cell number so that, tomorrow or the day after, I will call himm and tell him that I am coming for him, to kill him for insulting me, and I was on my way INTO the damned place -I will have to go there again to day because I left my pliers there, and having nothing to do and nothing to shape in the odd, long hours of the night really depresses me- when but-head's mom did her drive-by, again, and left me really seriously pissed off, because I have LAID the concrete, and cemented everything that I WILL kill her son with my own hands, and in fact, I am going on to add that I will ALSO not live alive anyone from her... brood... that, having seen my actions/ lack therof,as opposed to my words, decided I was full of hot air and made moves to let mje know just what a piec of shit they thought me.
BUT if the people did not, like butt-headf, nicky?, faggot-face, motomia, and michelle, make sure they actively, become aggressors to me, then theywill just die, when I give the word. I reserve these foiols for myself, or would, if God did not give me such headaches about my being a person who, first and foremost, loves justice; proper requittal for wrongs suffered.
Now, In said that I never forget what is done to me, but at the same time, I do NOT put myself first in any situation, but always consider the other person's side first, something manipulative people seem to pick up, forget that as they consider just how much of an advantage my thinking is to them, I am also a person who would welcome the same consideration before they DID anythiung that they deem fit for themselves, because it is only.. fair, right?
So, butyt-head's mom drives by, worying about her son, and seriously making me decide how I will kill HER, and she seems oblivious to the strain she puts me under, with her actions, as she apparently forgets that I am the ONE person that has all the power to, if I feel like it, just extinguish all life on the planet and walk away from all troubles.
So, of course, she pisses me off, and, in a little while, I willhave NO problem with her, because I, as I mentioned, am fed up THIS time.
NOT that I will leave him alive, or any black man alive for that matter. Simple logic dictates that I deal with this issue ONE way only;- no one of my colour, male or female, remains alive, nor any jew, nor any mixed person [with black roots] because I am NOT trying to have myself compared with anyone, nor having anyone use someone else as an outlet for any frustrations with me.
So, in a few hours, people die. and go to hell. It would not hurt my mother for her to spend some years in hell, and maybe,m after my anger has become spent, and she cries out to ME for forgiveness, and humbles herself in the terrible place, THEN I will devise a means for her to be delivered and just become unaware of anythging, with no eternal torment.
With me,see, there is only ONE real way out;- a person puts a person's head down in the dust before me, and makes him/herself less than me, and I will be satisfied, and will let the anger that I hold against that person go.
If that does not happen, than the torment continues forever, because I NEVER back down.
As I nwas leaving, and walking all the way back to the mountain, I bumped into allison of all people, and she did a rather curious thing. She had her hands on the steering wheel, and she lifted off all the four fingers of each hand, leaving the thumbs only, and spread them as if to signify that she was completely lost, and at the same time she was yawning. Of course, one COULD interpret THAT as her saying she was bored with my... spiel... but I, as I said, put myself in HER shoes, and I could ... empathise... and I... felt that she was letting me know that she was labouring under a heavy load [yawn, like one can not keep up one's sagging prospects] and she did not KNOW what to do about it.
Well, the two women, butt-head's mom and her, are the ONLY two people i have ever written glowingly about, for such long periods of time, and maybe that went into their heads, and they started seeing themselves as something VERY large, so much so that I became just a mere nothing to them, and THUS they have carried on walking all over me, and NOW wonder why I do not smile at them?
When they ignore everything I say and pick and choose what suits their egos?
Well, I am going to kill that guy allison always stuck in my face,and if I find out there is SOMETHING between them, then I will make her eat that perosn, and then I will kill her as well.
BNecause what I said does not apparently sink in between her stupid ears, but she always thinks that I am somehow impressed by her appearance? SHE a person with warts on her face, and a flat chest like someone squeezed out the air from a rugby ball and then strapped it to a wall? I was impressed by her interest in me, and when that warped into self-absorption, and she decided to thrust THAT in my face, I lost all interest, and all that was left was the burning rage.
Which is whereI find God's ways rather weird, because the last 3 women to show up among the twenty all have to do with 3 women who have pissed me off and thought themselves special.
As if I am supposed to have something to do with them later, these women.
As if God is soothing me and saying I should give them a ... second chance?
Well, after I kill the men in their lives, and have the men in these other women's live dead as well, and deal with the obama problem, and do NOT, as I wanted to, at first, destroy africa and all that, but leave people alive so that I , by showing you all what it is about your actions pisses me off, become the alpha and omega to whom you ALL will have to submit, well, maybe then I will think about it, but for now, I REALLY just want to kill, destroy and rend!
